Destined for Disaster
by DarlingYourDemonsAllLookLikeMe
Summary: Have you ever wondered what you'll turn out like? Or what the future holds for you? Don't wish too hard; sometimes, it's not as great as it seems...
1. Chapter 1

"This is our _future_, Beck!" I paced back and forth in the little RV, biting my painted nails and pulling at my hair. He didn't understand how important this was. I stormed out, kicking his stupid metal RV door as I left. I heard him slam the door and chase me out, so I slowed my pace down and turned round. He caught my arm and made me face him.

"We'll turn out just fine, no matter what we do! We can't control fate, Jade." I've told him a million times that there's no such thing as fate, but he still insists on using that as an excuse to forget about his future. I sighed and pulled my arm away angrily.

"There's no such thing!" I yelled at him. "You _need_ to sort out what you want to do when you graduate."

"Act, obviously." He retorted with a shrug. I sighed again, pinching the bridge of my nose to relieve my headache.

"And what happens if that falls through? You don't always get what you want! You can't go through life relying on your looks."

"One day I'll prove to you that even if you do everything you can, nothing will change your future." I scoffed at him, shaking my head.

"Unless that day is today, you better get yourself sorted out. I'm not going to do it for you, Beck."

"Well then it'll have to be today then, won't it?" I walked back in, ignoring him.

I scowled at him and continued reading through all my options. I had a few singing jobs lined up, a couple of auditions. I had to sort through the other jobs too though. I felt Beck staring at me from the other side of the room so I looked up and rolled my eyes.

"What?"

"Don't you want to know how I'm going to prove it to you?" I shook my head and looked down at my papers again.

"Not really, but if you're going to stare at me all evening otherwise, then go ahead and share your master plan," I replied.

"Fine, I won't tell you."

"I wish you'd shut up then," I said. I looked up at him and he glared back. I heard him grumbling and mumbling things to himself.

"_I_ wish that we could see our future, and show you that we'll be just fine!" Beck whined. I rolled my eyes once again and started to protest.

"Listen. Unless you have a crystal ball and you're psychic, don't even bother."

"I could be psychic for all you know!" I raised my pierced eyebrow at him before continuing.

"You did keep your Canadian secret for long enough!" I shouted. I paused. "Though if you were psychic, you'd probably be like Raven and get it all wrong." I heard Beck sigh and smirked.

"Until you prove yourself, please start getting your applications ready?" Beck shook his head.

"I don't want to. I don't want to tempt fate." Beck said with a satisfied nod.

"Tempt it into what? Fate can't control me. I'll murder you, Beck, I swear, if you don't start." Beck smiled then shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Fate," he replied simply "you can't change it!" I groaned and threw my head back.

"_Shut up!_" I got back to my papers again – which, by the way, seem to just be getting harder and harder to fill out- and hoped not to be distracted.

Soon I finished most of them and decided to phone Cat. I dialled her number and waited. I heard her squeal on the line and tried to interrupt her.

"Cat, pick up! Cat?" I said uncertainly. I hesitated, waiting for her to answer.

"Yes, Jadey?" She answered.

"Are you free tonight? I want to go out. I was thinking of going to the cinema." I replied. "What was the squealing about?" I added.

"Well sure! What do you want to see?" Cat paused. "…There was a spider." I laughed and then nodded, thinking that of course there was.

"Okay. I don't know. There's a new Miley Cyrus movie out, if you want to see that?"

"Oh yeah," Cat said. She suddenly remembered something and gasped. "Tori wanted to see that!" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, good," I said sarcastically. "Do you want to see it?" I heard Cat talking to herself, mumbling. "I can't hear you when you mumble on the phone."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry…" she muttered, thinking to herself. I made a noise, clicking my tongue.

"Cat, would you like to invite Tori?" I asked. I didn't really want Tori there, but if it made Cat happy I guess I was happy. Cat shrieked.

"Yay! Thank you, Jade. I'll invite her now."

"Okay," I replied "bye!" I said, hanging up. I went for a shower and then got dressed in my favourite blue top, with jeans and a necklace that Beck got me. I smiled at my reflection and smoothed out my top. Then I was ready, and kissed Beck goodbye.

* * *

**Beck's POV**

I waited for Jade to go out, and then I waited for the sound of her car to start up and drive away, then I jumped up. I reached for my laptop, tapping out an address for Google maps to direct me to. I scribbled it on a piece of paper then grabbed my jacket, the paper and my keys and headed out to my car. I started it and looked at my directions.

It was only twenty minutes away so I put the radio and listened to music while concentrating on the road. I drummed my steering wheel as I hit red lights and sighed in relief as I finally got there. Jade wouldn't be home for hours yet so it gave me time. I took my wallet out of my pocket and paid the three dollar fee to get in. I made my way to the front of the queues quite quickly, though when I got there it took a while for the lady to get started. She was wearing a purple head bandana and a cloak like thing. She looked startlingly like a witch out of a Disney movie.

She swayed a bit then straightened up. "So…" she said eerily. "You're here to have…your fortune read?!" The dramatic pause threw me off a bit but I regained my cool and spoke up.

"Yes…I want to know what the future holds for me."

"Well, my pretty young boy, you're in for a shock!" My eyes bulged.

"What kind of a shock?" I asked. She recoiled and her own eyes turned into small slits.

"Don't interrupt me, boy!" She cried. I leaned back slightly as her face came closer to mine.

"I came to know my future; can you just tell me it?"

"You have no patience." I sighed.

"Jade was right. You're all a scam! Nothing but phoneys."

"Phoneys, I'll tell you my boy, I am no fake!"

"Prove it then." I said sharply. Her brow creased and her whole face contorted.

"Prove it? I'll prove it all right!" She mumbled and muttered to herself, making grand gestures. "You'll see, my boy, you'll see!" She cried, swaying some more.

"Get rid of the cynics; get rid of the fakes, by morning light you'll be doing double takes!" I looked at her, waiting for her to finish. I had no idea what she'd just done.

"When you awaken, you'll be sorry. Your pretty girlfriend too!" I stopped as I went to get up.

"Jade? What have you done to her?"

"You'll see! My boy, oh how you'll see!"

I left in a daze, blinking in the moonlight as I tried to figure out what just happened, and if I could stop it. I stumbled, looking back at her dizzily.

What just happened?

**A/N:**

**This will be a lot different from my other things, so I hope you like it. By the time this chapter is up, the next chapter will have been written, and so on. That's how I'll do it now. **

**Review if you liked it? **


	2. Chapter 2

**Jade's POV**

I got back from the movies quite late so I was surprised to see Beck still awake. I crept in and made him jump by grabbing his shoulders lightly. "Boo." I said playfully. Beck jumped, looking alarmed.

"Jade!" He said, hugging me. I hugged him back, burying my head into his shoulder.

"What?" I asked. "Is there something wrong?" I patted his back and he sat back down. He shook his head.

"No, no. Everything's fine. How are you?" He felt my forehead and then sat me down next to him. I raised my eyebrow sceptically.

"How are _you_?" I asked. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"Just worried about you," I smiled at him.

"Why? I can look after myself you know!" I poked him in the chest. "We had a great time, actually. The movie was really good. Miley was…" I cleared my throat. "Herself," Beck laughed. He knew that I didn't exactly idolize Miley. I did like that movie though.

"That's good then, that you enjoyed yourself." I nodded.

"Cat has this annoying habit of leaning all over you in the cinema though, and she always sits in the middle."

"Yeah, I know. I went to the cinema with her a few weeks back. It's not too bad though."

"No, I guess not." I paused. "So what have you been doing all this time?" He flinched then looked up at me.

"Oh…I stayed here, not much to do on a…Saturday night is there?" I raised my eyebrow again.

"Your car…it changed place." I said my brow creasing. "Beck," I continued, picking up the scissors on my desk and pointing them at him. "Where have you been?" Beck stepped back.

"Okay. Wow, put the scissors down. I went to see if I could prove you wrong. I went to see a fortune teller."

"And?" I asked. "What did she tell you?"

"That I was in for a shock," he mumbled. I poked him.

"Is that it? Yes, your shock will be failing in the world and not being able to claw your way up – with no backup plan!" I yelled. "Whatever," I said.

"I'm sorry." Beck said limply. I rolled my eyes and changed into my pyjamas. Once I was in my little black top and purple shorts, I got under the blanket and tried to forget everything stupid thing Beck said.

**Next morning**

I woke up with a start, and got up quite quickly. I rolled out of bed and padded into the kitchen. It was then I realized I wasn't at home at all, not in Beck's cosy RV but in a big house, and looking out the window I saw a horribly cliché little picket fence and a large garden. I scratched my head and blinked hazily, trying to figure everything out.

I called Beck's name softly, trying to work out where I was. I explored a bit more. It was a big house, the kind you'd find in Beverly Hills or in the rich parts of Hollywood. I smoothed down my pyjamas and realised they'd changed too. I was now wearing a silky dressing gown with a green vest and long silk pants.

I went to the bathroom so I could take a better look at myself. I felt really strange in this house. I looked in the mirror and my reflection shocked me – I looked about ten years older! I touched my face and half expected for my reflection to disappear. My skin didn't look too much different and my hair was still black with streaks of colour, but my face looked older, wiser. A more experienced look was etched on my features. My eyes were the same and when I looked at my tattoos and piercings they were still there, though I had a new tattoo, a broken heart. I raised my eyebrow at that but didn't examine myself further. I felt okay, so why bother? I shook my heavy head, trying to make this whole scenario seem real. I had to be dreaming. Or maybe I was just overly tired. I smoothed down my hair and then went to find Beck.

I explored the house more, looking in each room downstairs. I couldn't really find anything. I made myself something to drink and then went upstairs from where I came from to find Beck. I shook his arm and looked him up and down, taking in his strange attire. Plaid pyjamas with matching bottoms…he never wears matching! I poked and prodded him until he got up.

"Ugh, Jade, it's too early." He rolled over and faced me. I gasped as I took in his appearance. He looked much older too. He wasn't bad looking; he looked the same, but just a bit older. Quite a bit older! I blinked a few times again, confused.

"Beck, what is going on? I'm really scared right now. Where are we?"

"At home, I guess." He mumbled, trying to go back to sleep. I sighed and left him.

I looked around a little more, before throwing the dressing gown on the spotless floor and slumping down on the couch. I switched the TV on and flicked to the news.

"New Year is coming up and celebrations are in full steam ahead! Many people are already being spotted tumbling out of bars and injuring themselves. We are urging you to stay safe!"

"Idiots," I mumbled. "Who can't have a few drinks without throwing up?" I listened to the rest of the TV. I still wanted to find out what was going on.

"This is the last news bulletin of 2021!"

"Haha, very funny; kudos to him," I said. "Beck, come down here right now!" I yelled. He trotted into the living room with no shame. I pointed to the TV. "I give you props for all of this. Even the news crew are in on it? How did you do it?"

"Do what?" He asked dumbly. I shook my head.

"The cat's outta the bag, Beck. I know you've done all of this."

"I swear on my life, I haven't."

"Swear on mine."

"I swear on your life I haven't. I'd never hurt you, you know that. So I'm not lying." I sighed, knowing he was right.

"Then what's going on?" I asked, sitting down again. Beck pondered, thinking hard. He gasped.

"The fortune lady! She said we were in for a shock…she said when I awaken, I'm going to be sorry…we're in the future!"

"Beck…it's not possible!"

"Well, it's happened…" I groaned. I paced back and forth, trying to think of a plan. I smashed a stupid vase on the mantelpiece.

"What could be worse!" I yelled. I scraped my hair and screamed once more before we heard something. A baby crying.

"I think we just found out." Beck replied. Oh no…it's going to get a whole lot more complicated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Jade's POV**

I paced back and forth again, moaning to myself. "Oh no, no, no, no,"

"Jade, calm down," Beck said. My head snapped to his direction. I gave him a look of disgust and continued.

"_Calm down?_" I asked, walking towards him. "How can I calm down when there's a _baby_ in there that has no one to look after it! Where the hell is its family?" Beck bit his lip and didn't say anything. I prompted him. "Well?"

"Look, I think that…No, never mind. I think we should go and see what's wrong with the baby, okay?"

"No!" I yelled. "It's _not _okay. You go see to the stupid baby, I need some time alone." Beck nodded and went to find the baby. I sat down, then stood again as I couldn't relax. I paced again, and then felt something – someone – tugging at my leg.

"Mama, mama," the voice said from very low on the ground. I spun round to face the little voice. I raised my eyebrow at the little girl, dressed in a purple Tinkerbelle onesie. She was only about three, and was just babbling away. I called Beck quickly.

"Mama shouted. I woke up," she lisped, sucking her thumb at the same time. Surprisingly, I could understand her. Beck came out, carrying a baby in a blue sleep suit. I made a face at him and he shrugged his shoulders.

"_Careful_ of the baby," I hissed. "You're going to drop him." Beck scoffed. I rolled my eyes at him. "What are you scoffing at?" I asked.

"Don't worry." He said.

"No, I'm not. I'm worried about why we're in the year 2021, with two kids in the house! I'm twenty eight, apparently. How did this happen? Is this your way of proving fate to me?" Beck looked up, his mouth agape.

"I don't know how she did it. Honestly…I'm so confused. How the hell do we get back?"

"I don't know." We were interrupted by the little girl again. She tugged at my leg, hiding behind me. "Yes?"

"Mama, you taking Jasper?" I looked at Beck. He thought for a moment before replying. He said:

"Taking him where, sweetheart?" The little girl pursed her lips for a moment. She walked over to Beck and took his hand while he moved the baby to his other arm. I raised my eyebrow once again. She leaned onto him, sighing. Her bright blue eyes looked up at me, peeking through her long eyelashes. I tapped my foot impatiently.

"Okay. You ask her where I'm meant to be taking the baby. I'm going to see what I have to wear."

"Wait!" Beck called. "You're leaving me with two babies?" The little girl tugged a little harder at Beck's hand, insisting that she wasn't a baby.

"Not baby!" she screamed.

"Okay, sweetheart - where's Jade taking Jasper?"

"_Mama _is taking baby to baby classes." I nodded and left, going for a shower and sorting my head. Then I got dressed. My wardrobe taste was pretty much the same now. I applied my makeup and headed downstairs. I saw Beck playing with the toddler. I wonder if he's found out what her name is yet.

I crept down the stairs and watched carefully for a moment. They were both smiling and happy, though Beck looked unsure. No wonder. We'd just gained two kids in under an hour, and I don't even know if someone was just playing a sick joke on us. It seemed so real now though. I walked down more, and let them know I was there.

"Mama!" She cried. She hugged my legs and I peeled her off of me, and went to talk to Beck. "Uppy mommy?" I shook my head.

"Not now," I turned to Beck again. He looked at me like I was crazy. "What?" I asked.

"She's yours you know." Beck said, motioning to the girl. I nodded.

"I know."

"Why don't you love her then?"

"I don't know. Why do you love her?"

"She's just like you, that's why." I smiled a little and then went to fix breakfast while Beck got dressed. I didn't know how to ask for her name without confusing her. I decided to tactfully ask her if she knew how to spell her name, even though I knew she wouldn't know. She shook her head sadly and pointed to the fridge.

"It on there," she said quietly. "Daddy put it there!" My forehead creased and I went on to ask her,

"Just now, or yesterday?"

"Yesterday mama," I nodded and then went to look on the fridge. Sure enough, Olivia was marked out on the fridge. I don't know why, but I didn't call her Olivia after all of that. I just called her Liv or Livvy.

"Okay then Livvy, what do you want for breakfast?" Olivia beamed up at me for the first time and smiled. I think I got it right. She squealed.

"Auntie Cat's Bibble," Olivia giggled. I sighed.

"Cat gave you Bibble…Cat…Beck!" I shouted. "Beck! Hurry down." Beck came rushing down. I told him what Olivia said.

"We have to go, okay?" Beck agreed, to see what was going on.

"You have to go to the baby classes though," Beck pointed out. I waved my hand.

"I looked after one baby, I'll cope with Jasper." Beck laughed and continued getting ready. I smiled and turned to face Olivia. "No Bibble." I said. I lifter her up and carried her on my hip to the kitchen. "Coco pops?" She wrinkled her nose in a way that was Beck entirely. I smiled and tapped her little button nose, while rifling through the cupboards. "Okay, I'll make you toast." I decided.

"Nutella toast?" She giggled. I pursed my lips, and went to make the toast after sitting her down at the table.

"Fine, you can have that. No, Livvy, stay at the table or no nutella." She sulked and stamped her feet. I raised my eyebrow and she stopped, sheepishly looking at the ground. She was still sulking and muttered when I told her off for it.

"I want daddy," she said. I put her breakfast in front of her and nodded.

"Yes, I bet you do. He'd give you anything you wanted!" I said. I cleaned up and then went to see the baby. He was asleep in his cot but looked so much like Beck. I stroked his face and then picked him up. I looked at the pram in the corner of the room. We lived in quite a big house nowadays. I decided that I'd just take the carseat. He can be carried in that.

Then it was time to see Cat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four**

**Jade's POV**

I strapped Livvy and Jasper into the car and waited for Beck, taking my place at the wheel. I pressed the car horn and drummed my fingers on the wheel in impatience. In the mirror, I saw Livvy looking at me, her little brow creased and her pink lips pursed.

"Mommy, you know that you seem different," she lisped. I raised my eyebrow.

"Do I?" I replied, humouring her. "How so?" It wasn't a surprise; I was a lot younger right now.

"I don't know," she replied, sighing. Then she flipped her hair back and strained her neck to look out of the window. She made a noise of irritation. "When's daddy here?" I saw a flicker of myself in her then, and gave a small smile.

"Soon," I said. A couple of minutes later, Beck appeared, looking very untidy. He looked at me with a frown.

"I don't like my clothes, so I grabbed my old ones."

"They're your clothes," I laughed, starting the engine. He jumped in and we headed for Cat's house, which I'd found out in my address book.

Once we started driving, things calmed down and it was quiet. It didn't occur to me to check on Olivia – she was being so quiet – but soon I realized that's when you have to watch out. I looked in the mirror again, reaching up to adjust it. Olivia as trying to play with her brother, but she wasn't making him comfortable.

"Olivia!" I said. "Leave your brother alone to sleep, "

"Yes, Olivia," Beck said, backing me up. "Do as Jade tells you and be a _good_ girl." Olivia pouted and then piped up.

"Daddy," she started, sitting up. "Why did you call mommy Jade?" Beck faced me, and I shrugged.

"That's her name," Beck replied. "Would you like Jasper to call you sister all the time?" Olivia shook her head.

"I guess not. You always call mommy, mommy though!"

"Never mind, I called her Jade today,"

"Yes I know. Don't!" Olivia cried. "I don't like it." She protested, sticking her chin up indignantly. I pursed my lips, thinking about responding and interrupting the daughter/father talk, but thought otherwise.

"Don't be silly, Olivia. I'm calling her Jade and that's that. Be a good girl." I saw Olivia twitching her mouth as she thought, chewing the inside of her cheek. It showed her dimples and made her look extremely cute. I tried to change the subject.

"So, are you excited to see Auntie Cat?" I asked, looking at her. Olivia nodded, but stayed quiet. As soon as we pulled up, she ran out and flung the door open of Cat's house. Cat seemed to live in a tiny house, though when you got inside it was rather big. It looked like it belonged to Cat. Multi-coloured and happy, with toys littered around. I wonder how many kids she has.

I walked in and saw Olivia in Cat's arms, snuffling into her chest. Cat was waiting, a crease in her forehead and her mouth in a little frown, patting Olivia's back. I walked in and raised my eyebrows. I didn't feel the need to say anything, I just went over to Cat and stood next to her, stroking Olivia's cheek softly, saying that everything would be okay. Cat eye's shot to Beck's face.

"Where's the baby?" She asked, her high pitched tone piercing the silence. I felt her disapproving eyes wander over to me, sighing when they looked over to Beck once again. I looked around quickly and shot out to the car, my heels clacking against Cat's wooden floor. I sighed in relief as I saw Jasper in there.

"Oh, baby," I said, picking him up and holding him close. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart," I saw Cat slowly walking to the door, looking at me from the doorway. She was still comforting Olivia. I walked back to her, looking into her eyes. They looked worn and tired, and slightly irritated. She rolled her eyes and stepped aside to let me in. She didn't even meet my eye. I walked inside, breathing silently.

"Why are you even here?" She said. I flinched away from her harsh tone, and when she put Olivia down and took her hand in hers, I shook my head.

"I don't know." I said. I tried to continue but the words wouldn't form. I tried to take Olivia's hand but she walked backwards and I gave up. Cat guided her to the kitchen where she gave her a glass of water and some grapes. Beck was still in the living room.

"So…how are you?" I asked awkwardly.

"Don't bother with pleasantries, just tell me why you're here and then leave, please."

"Cat?" I asked. I felt like a little girl again, confused and lost.

"Please," she said, and I saw that she was genuinely hurt. "I don't want this to happen again. Just go. If you're going to argue again, leave Olivia, but just _go._"

I blinked hazily, and left in a bit of a daze. I sat in the car, just cursing everything. I wanted to be alone. I needed to figure this out. I waited for Beck and we drove back home in an uncomfortable silence until he got out at an arcade and said he needed space. I kept driving and driving until I got home. I looked through our computer and my diary (just dates) and everything. I didn't think I would ever find anything. I kept looking. I can't give up. I need to know.


	5. Chapter 5

I looked through all the boxes I could find, soothing baby Jasper as I searched. I wanted to know what Cat meant. I stumbled across a few baby pictures of Olivia – one with me, just minutes after she was born. Then there were our wedding photos. We must have married pretty young. I looked about 19, fresh out of school. I liked my wedding dress. It was white, with black butterflies adorning the hem. I had a long flowing veil and a little tiara. My hair was in a messy bun, and my eyes were accented with silvery powder.

I flicked through the rest of the photos. Some of Olivia, and then there weren't many more. I found some official papers – guardianship papers. I scanned them and saw Cat's signature, and mine. My hands shook as I read the agreement. I put my head in my hands and felt little hands on my shoulders.

"Mommy," the little voice squeaked. "Please don't cry, mommy." I looked up and saw Olivia. I'd almost forgotten about her. What sort of a mother am I, forgetting my baby again?

"I'm not crying, see?" I forced out a smile and got up. "Are you hungry?" Olivia looked up at me, doubtful. She pursed her lips and twitched them. She pursed her lips and twitched them.

"No, not really," she said. "Jasper might be though." I nodded, agreeing. I took Olivia's hand and guided her to the kitchen where I made up a bottle and grabbed a little cloth, in case I spilled any. "Can I feed the baby?" I shook my head.

"Not today, sweetie, but maybe later. I'm just going to do it quickly then get him changed. Then we'll go to auntie Cat's, okay?"

"We just came back," Olivia said. "You had an argument."

"Yes, sweetheart I know." I brought her upstairs to the baby's room with me and sat her on the rocking chair. "Stay there; I'll only be a minute." I quickly fed Jasper and then changed him, putting him in fresh clothes. Then I took Livvy's hand and held Jasper and then took them to the car. I strapped them both in and I started the journey to Cat's.

We arrived after what seemed like an endless journey and I got the kids out of the car. Cat was waiting at the door when I reached the front of the house.

"Jade," she said quietly. Her voice sounded hoarse as if she'd been crying. She took Jasper so I could move properly and let me in. "Come in,"

She moved us through to the kitchen and we sat down. I told Livvy to go play and Cat nodded, bringing a hot cup of tea to the table for me. I thanked her and sipped it. Cat broke the silence, asking, "Where's Beck?"

I sighed and told her I didn't know. "You know," said Cat "I missed you."

"Huh?" I asked. Cat raised her eyebrow, and tucked a strand of magenta hair behind her pierced ear.

"I missed you. I missed Livvy and Jasper too." I looked down and breathed in; waiting for my chance to tell her I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Listen, Cat," I said. "I don't know if you'll believe this and I don't know why it happened, but I'm Jade, the Jade you knew a long time ago. Some fortune teller sent us."

"Are you crazy? That would've been me saying that ten years ago."

"Yes and I would not have believed you in a million years. But Cat, please believe me." Something in her eyes changed and she took my hand.

"Okay," she said "I believe you."

I sighed a huge sigh of relief and hugged her. I paused and then continued, "Cat, what happened between us?"

This time she paused. "_So many things happened._" She said sadly.

"Cat, what did I do?"

"It wasn't your fault," she said quickly. "You didn't know, and you were young."

"Please," I pleaded, looking at her seriously. "I need to know."

"Please don't be too hard on yourself, you weren't well," I stared at her, waiting and bracing myself. Cat hesitated, biting her lipstick covered lips and clenching her cup of tea just a little bit too tightly. "You didn't cope well with Livvy."

"So? Lots of new moms don't," I said nervously. "What makes me different?"

"You _really_ didn't cope well. You got all sad and stuff and started…started being so different." I listened carefully, my heart racing whenever her breath hitched.

"Different?" I felt my nails dig into my sweaty palms and looked at her, studying her face.

"You stopped being you, Jade. I don't know. You weren't _my_ Jade. You just stopped living. You barely ate or slept or did anything."

"You left me because I was _sick?" _I hissed. I heard Livvy running in, giggling. I turned to face her, still seething. Olivia took my hand and whispered into my ear. Her breath tickled my ear and made me smile.

"I'm a princess, mommy, don't let Jasper be the prince!" I lifted her up and kissed her cheek.

"No we won't let that happen," I said through gritted teeth. "Now go play, me and auntie Cat need to chat, princess." Livvy nodded and ran off. "Look after your brother! Don't take him out of the pram!"

I heard her squealing so I continued to talk to Cat, hushing my voice slightly. Cat locked her eyes on mine and continued talking and I could see that she was equally offended that I could say such a thing.

"Of course not, silly," Cat corrected gently "let me finish my story." I nodded. "After Beck left-"

"_Beck left me?" _I cried. I shook my head. "Why, why Cat?"

"He couldn't cope either, Jade…" I started to cry and Cat came and cradled me, gently closing the kitchen door to give us privacy.

"How could he leave me?"

"You weren't his Jade…you were sick," Cat tried to reason with me. I got up and started rambling, and Cat caught my arms, taking hold of my elbows. "Look," Cat hissed, turning me round to face the living room. She opened the window doors that looked into her front room, and pointed. "Look at your little girl, Jade. She needs you." I nodded.

"Just tell me what happened after."

"I took Livvy, because honestly Jade you just weren't well enough…you went to stay in hospital for a bit. They said it was bad post-natal depression, whatever that means."

"I love her so much. Honestly."

"I know you do." I felt like I would break down and cry again right then and there. Now I needed to find Beck and find out what happened…he couldn't tell me, no one could.

"You'd never leave me would you Cat?"

"Over my dead body, Jade, I promise."

**A/N:**

**I'll update baby oh baby soon and then one step at a time too. Also, if you don't like reading what I write, it's really simple…don't read? Sorry if I sound petty but honestly, I'm only young and by no means professional, it's not going to be perfect. Thanks anyhow… :)**

**Oh, and by the way, "Livvy" and "Jasper" are on my page here on FanFiction if you wanna see what I think they'd look like. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

"I'll only be gone for a few hours, I promise," I said to Cat. She nodded, smiling at me and rocking Jasper. She baby talked to him, humming and singing softly. I wondered if she had any kids.

"it's fine," Cat said softly. "Robbie will be back soon anyway." I cocked my head to the side and grinned, hitting her arm gently.

"So, you and Robbie huh," Cat smiled back at me, rolling her brown eyes. She flicked her hair out of her eyes and extended her hand out towards me, shifting Jasper to her other arm. On her ring finger sat a huge diamond, pink and glittering.

"Yes," Cat said, sighing happily. "Four years now, married." I smiled, mustering all my effort just to make it believable. "You know, Jade, you don't have to fake it with me." My head snapped up. I stood up straight and sharply drew in my breath, drawing myself up.

"I'm not depressed or anything," I said quickly, covering myself with my hands. In my mind, I knew it was crazy. Deluded. Cat seeing me, my body, wouldn't make a difference to anything. Besides, I've changed in front of Cat before.

"I know," she said softly. "It's no big deal if you were anyway." Cat hesitated. "Besides, I was. Do you think there's something wrong with that?" I shook my head.

"No, of course not," I said slowly. "I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's just not _me_,"

"It becomes you. You don't choose it," she said harshly. She looked up sheepishly. "Sorry." I stepped toward her, reaching my arm out carefully.

"Why did you get it?" I asked carefully. I stroked Jasper's baby soft cheek. I looked up at Cat. She was looking down at me, perplexed.

"I don't know," she paused, thinking for a second. "So much was going on. I was a stupid kid. No one wanted to be my friend. I got dumped. Some dumb boy, I don't know, George or something. My mom stopped picking up, and to top it all off, the greatest icing on the cake, my dad called me and said he was going to be made redundant, 'so sorry, Cat, no more credit card for you' – which really, in my state, meant no food, heat, or water."

"You had no one?" My voice was raspy, clutching at my throat on every word. Cat looked down.

"No," she whispered. "I wish I could've relied on you – but you let me down," Cat said. She shook her head. "That's not fair, I guess."

"No, it is. It was probably partly my fault," I admitted. I touched my chest. "I always manage to bring out the worst in people."

"That's not true." Cat looked at me, a hard expression present on her face. Her eyes softened when they met mine. "You always brought out the best in me." I laughed coldly.

"Depression is hardly the best of you."

"It wasn't that bad," Cat said. I scoffed, shaking my head.

"Everyone says how it's the worst thing you could ever endure." Cat shakes her head.

"It was…it was a dark time." Cat sighs. "I wouldn't wish it on anyone-" I laughed, rolling my blue eyes. The strong wind stung my eyes, making them water slightly.

"Not even me?" I interrupted her sarcastically. Cat's head snapped up.

"Don't you dare say that!" She cried, holding down her skirt with one hand. Her mouth was down in one corner and she looked very much like my Cat.

"Joke," I said, putting my hands up. Cat looked down again. I swallowed, and then bit my lip. "What happened with you and Robbie?" Cat nodded her head, thinking.

"I don't know." Cat answered honestly. "It just happened." I puffed out my cheeks, an old habit. I took Jasper from her to give her arms a break. He smiled up at me and I smiled back. I still wasn't sure if I wanted him, as mean as that sounds. I played with his fingers.

"Did you want it to "just happen"?" I asked. Cat lowered her eyes. "Ahh," I said.

"No, no," Cat said. "I _did._ Sorta," She played with her magenta hair. I touched her arm and she flinched. She tried to compose herself. I didn't know what to say. I shuffled awkwardly, picking at the non-existent stray thread on my jumper.

"Sorta?" I asked. I flicked my hair out of my face, pulling it into a pony tail then letting it fall loose. Cat watched me. Then, without a word, she took Jasper. My eyebrows knitted together.

"Sort out you and Beck before you question my relationship, please." She stepped inside and closed the door, leaving me to myself. I got in my car and looked at my reflection. I had dark purple rims round the bottom of my eyes and I looked tired, even though I wasn't. So this was me now.

I started the car and drove to the place where I dropped Beck off. The jingling of the little bell on my keys got on my nerves and it ended up out of the window half way through our journey. The only noise now was the sound of my heavy breathing. I saw Beck waiting outside, sitting on the pavement.

I looked at him and sighed. "Get in," I said. He got up and sat beside me. "We need to talk,"

"Why?" Beck asked. It dawned on me that he wouldn't know. He didn't even know about it yet.

"I found something out about us." I took a deep breath. "And about myself." I choked, forcing the words out. Beck looked at me, his eyes caring.

"Well?" Beck prompted. He drummed his fingers on my thigh, smiling sweetly. "What is it?"

"Let's drive first," I said. I put my foot on the pedal, and tried to work up the courage to speak up. It's very safe to say that I ran out of gas before I'd even started.

**A/N:**

**I hope you like it. Do you ever get purple under your eyes, like Jade? Well. Dark violet. I do. All of the time! I'm not tired either. Anywho, have a great day! Even though my day is almost over (:**


	7. Chapter 7

I pulled over by a gas station and got out, gearing myself up, and promising that as soon as I got back in that car, I'd tell him. I walked in and paid, buying a bottle of water as I went. I got in and slammed the door.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Beck asked. I looked at him quickly, and then turned away, gripping the steering wheel tightly. I touched the side of my face.

"Nothing, yet," I answered slowly. Beck pressed his lips together tightly, and grabbed my shoulder.

"You've been putting it off for hours. Tell me," I breathed out through my nose noisily, pulling at my hair.

"You don't get to tell me what to do." Beck shook his head, and his forehead creased.

"You've never let me tell you what to do. What's changed?" He laughed shakily. I sighed and my eyes drooped, my lower lip trembling.

"I just really don't want to lose you, Beck. I love you." Beck smoothed my hair.

"You won't lose me. You know that Jade, we've been through this. Listen, I promise as soon as we get back I'll do my applications."

"It's not that," I said, choking on my tears. "I really don't care about that at the moment. Please. We need to go to Cat's." Beck raised his eyebrows, nodded slowly, and I turned around, headed for Cat's.

I got out of the car and knocked on the door, one of my hands intertwined with Beck's. I heard Cat's high heels clicking along the wooden floor along with the cry of, "But auntie Cat! Leave them at the door,"

I giggled at Livvy and stepped back, watching as a flustered Cat flung open the front door with a pirate sword in her hand. She looked down and put it behind her back.

"Haha…about that," her face turned red and she laughed. "We're playing pirates…we don't like the way Robbie plays." I nodded slowly.

"Okay then…" I composed myself. "Cat, I need you to tell Beck – in every detail – about what happened." Cat's forehead creased.

"Why can't you tell him?" I breathed in, looking at her desperately.

"I just can't." Cat nodded and stepped aside. I walked in and heard little footsteps. I smiled at the doorway, waiting for a little face to peek out. I was surprised when I didn't see Livvy.

"Hello?" the face said. Cat pressed her lips together before turning around. "Umm-" Cat cut her off.

"Not now, darling; I'm speaking to someone." I looked at her and she seemed to just notice me. Her face lit up. I smiled at her. She had dark brown hair, a little nose and gorgeous brown eyes that were so big on her face.

"Auntie Jade!" she cried. I grinned. I'd never been an auntie before. She ran over to me so I put my arm round her and she grinned. She reminded me so much of Cat when she was young. She looked quite a bit older than Olivia. Maybe six or seven at the most.

"Hi…!" I said slowly, forgetting that I didn't know her name. "How are you?"

"I'm good, thank you." the girl said. "Would you like me to get Olivia?" I shake my head.

"No thank you. I'm just here to talk." She nodded and left. I looked at Cat. "Who is she?" Cat sighed.

"She's not mine." Cat looked at the door. "She's my brother's. His wife left, and now he's sodded off too." She lowered her voice. "I love her, I do, but I don't want her here. I'm trying to make room for the…" she glanced at the door again and lowered her voice even more. "New baby," she patted her stomach and smiled at me. "I'm going to be a mommy!"

I grinned at her and she beamed. I ran and hugged her, lifting her off of her feet. "Congrats!" I cried. I lowered my eyes. "I'm so sorry for all the stress I caused though."

"No bother," Cat said. "I'm really happy we're friends again." I smiled.

"Me too." Cat smiled at me.

"Now…for the story, huh?" We sent the kids upstairs, and I rocked Jasper in my arms, loving the heavy weight I felt when my arms ached for him.

Cat breathed in. "It all started when Livvy was born. Oh, Jade, she was the most beautiful baby. Blue eyes, dark hair, she was totally enchanting. You loved her to bits. You did too," Cat said, gesturing to Beck. I remember it so clearly."

_Jade grips the baby carrier tightly. She's so protective of her little bundle. Beck's protective of both of them, standing behind them both as they enter. Cat greets them at the door with Tori. "Welcome home, little one!" Tori whispers. "What's her name?" Jade beams with pride, and slowly removes the tucked in blanket from under her daughter's chin. _

"_Meet Olivia everyone, everyone meet Olivia." They peeked in, taking in her minute features. _

"_Oh Jade, she's absolutely gorgeous," Tori said. Jade nodded. _

"_I know," she says, smitten. Cat takes a look next._

"_Stunning," she agrees. Cat looks up at Jade. "Can I pick her up? Oh, please. I need to. She's just precious." Jade smiles. _

"_Pick her up all you like; she's here to be gushed over!" Beck puts his arm round Jade. _

"_Just like her mother," he says. "Speaking of her mother, would she like to sit down for a while? You've had a tough day," Jade nods and leans on him, appreciating that he's bringing a chair over._

"_How long did it take?" Cat asks, cradling the baby carefully. Tori leans over and coos too. _

"_Eight hours. She was so worth the wait though." Cat nods. _

"_So, are you happy, new daddy?" Tori asks. "And you, new mommy?" They both lean onto each other. _

"_As happy as you could ever imagine." Jade sighs happily. _

…_._

_It all goes downhill from there. _

"_Beck! I can't feed her and get dressed at the same time! I'm going to be late for work!" Beck looks round the door. _

"_I thought you had maternity leave!" He called. Jade sighs irritably and the baby cries even louder. _

"_That ended! Yesterday!" Jade rocks Olivia, trying to soothe her. She just keeps crying. Cry, cry, and cry. "Stop crying! Please. Stop crying baby. There's a good girl." Jade says exasperated. "I can't take this anymore." She drops the baby in her Moses basket and blows her a kiss. She chokes out a meaningless "I love you" and then leaves, slamming the door as hard as she could. She runs as fast as she can to anywhere. _

_Hours later she's still there, thinking. She's pouring tears that blend with the rain. She thinks of Olivia, and for the first time since she was born, she didn't care what she was doing. If she was okay. If she was __**alive.**__ She finally gets home when it's dark, stealthily working her way through the roads. She opens the unlocked front door and walks in to find that Olivia is in the same place as when she left her. She scratches her head and can't even bring herself to pick her baby up. Jade takes one too many paracetamol and drags herself up to the spare room. _

_When she wakes up in the morning she considers drowning her sorrows with a whole bottle of red wine and crashing out on the sofa. Instead she takes a deep breath and gives a bottle to Olivia. Beck's not back by lunch. They eat alone. Clink, clink, clink. The teaspoon hits the cup every other stir. Another scalding cup of tea is washed down her throat. Another hour passes of compulsively scratching her wrist and neck, not really paying attention to anything. _

_She. Can't. Take. It. Any. Longer. _

_She packs a bag of all Olivia's things. Her fold down cot, her diapers, her pacifiers, stuffed toys, blankets, piles of clothes, pictures, teething rings. Everything a baby needs. She swallows her last nerve and puts Olivia's big coat and booties on her, making sure she's warm._

"_Okay, baby. It's time to go." _

_She drives to Cat's and drops the baby at the door. She rings the doorbell and walks away, leaving her baby forever. Meanwhile, inside, Cat was shouting on the phone._

"_No, Beck – Wait, someone's at the door." Cat walks over to the door, phone in between her shoulder and ear. She opens the door. "Oh my god!" She looks down the street, seeing a figure in the darkness._

"_Jade!" she calls. "Jade, come back!" Cat sighs, sucking in her teeth. "Oh, no,"_

"_Beck? Beck, I wanna see pick up your phone, and tell her you're coming home!" She hangs up. Cat picks up the baby carefully. "Okay, baby, here we go." She sat her down on the sofa, looking at her. She put her head in her hands. "Well, desperate times and desperate measures and all…we'll have to make the best out of a bad situation. It's bad cause I love your mommy very much and I know you would too. We'll all be together very soon." _

**A/N;  
It's ten to twelve and I feel a bit crap. Sore throat and all…this keeps me busy :) Anyhow, hope you liked it. I decided a flashback would be best, and also this is quite a bit longer than usual :)**


	8. Chapter 8

"_Come home, Jade. Please." Cat sighs on the phone. She's tempted to phone the police, tell them that she needs her best friend right now. But they'd ask why and she'd never tell on her. _

"_It would be a fine proposition if I was a stupid girl," Jade says. "I don't want her." Cat wants to scream at her._

"_It's too late to decide what you want! She's here and she needs her mommy. I need you. Beck needs you." Cat faltered on the last line. That was a lie. Complete and utter. Beck was out every night getting wasted, kissing and possibly bedding every girl that came his way. He was a wreck without her, but she didn't really know if she wanted him back, such. Cat doubted Jade was any better._

_She could hear Jade breathing down the line. "Put her on the phone." Cat hesitated. "Please." Cat sighed and went to get the baby. She brought her down and put her to the phone. Cat put Jade on speakerphone. She heard muffled sobs. "I can't do it Cat. I can't do it." _

"_Yes, you can. I promise. I'll help you. Come and take your baby," Cat hears the dialling tone and sighs again. "What are we gonna do, huh, baby?" She rocks Olivia, but she keeps stirring. "I know, I know. You want mommy. I want mommy too." _

_She feeds her and puts her back to sleep. Cat grabs the phone again and punches in Beck's number. _

"_Hey! This is Beck. Leave a short message –" _

"_Don't leave any message! We're busy." Jade butts in. There's the beep. _

"_Beck. Please. You need your baby, come and get her. I'm worried something really bad has happened to Jade and-" The message cuts her off. "Why do I even bother?" Cat asks. The baby gurgles. "Yes, for you. I know." She picks her up again. _

_This carries on for weeks until Beck takes her. Cat doesn't really want to give her over. He tells her that she better or he'd call the police. She just wanted the beer smell to stop burning her eyes. Cat called Jade that afternoon. "Please, please, just put Olivia on the phone."_

"_I can't." _

"_Cat, please. I'm sorry. I know I'm wrong. I just can't come back. Just let me hear her." Cat's words are caught in her throat._

"_I'm so sorry. Beck took her a while back." Jade chokes on the other side._

"_You let him have my baby?!" Cat sighs._

"_She's his baby too. You left her."_

"_So did he!" Cat blurts a quick sorry and hangs up. Truth is, she's worried about the baby too. She grabs her bag and keys and runs to her car. She finds him at the third bar she goes to. He's not even bothered that the baby s crying her little heart out, teetering on the edge of a barstool in her car seat. Cat takes the baby and he shrugs. _

"_She only cries anyway." _

…_._

_As soon as Cat gets home, she calls Jade. "Pick up, pick up…" Cat prays. On the fourth ring Cat heard a voice. _

"_Yeah?" Cat wobbles a bit, and then composes herself. _

"_I think I called the wrong number." She says, about to hang up. She hears a muffled tone in the background._

"_Cat?" Jade asks. "Have you got Olivia?" Cat considers hanging up even if it is Jade._

"_Who was he?" Cat asks shortly. Jade holds her breath. "You don't even know his name, do you?"_

"…"

"_Jade!" Cat cries. "You don't do this. You're the smart one." Jade starts to cry. Cat hears no no no I'm not, and all sorts else. "Get. Rid. Of. Him." _

"_Please." Jade chokes out._

"_No, Jade. No."_

"_Okay, I'll do it."_

"_Promise?"_

"_I promise." Three minutes forty seconds later she picked up the phone again. "He's gone." Cat breathed out in relief. Jade might've been strong on the inside, but she was skinny and not very strong physically. _

"_You need to stop this. You're going to get hurt."_

"_No one can hurt me more than I already am."_

"_Oh please. Stop with the clichés. I'll bet they can. Please come home."_

"_I can't. Please stop trying." _

"_I've e got your baby here. She won't even know who you are."_

"_Good, I'd be a useless mother."_

"_You're just like your father." Cat regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. Jade's breath was knocked out of her. _

"_I have to go."_

…_.._

_Weeks turn into months. Baby is smiling and rolling over and looking at Cat. "Good girl, Olivia!" Cat cooed. "If only your mom or dad was here." She played with Olivia's hands then fed her. Every day she tried Jade's phone, and Beck's phone. Jade picked up two out of three times. Cat worried about her so much. Beck didn't pick up much. Too busy. "Jade? Please come home." That message was always on Jade's messages. Always. _

_Of course, she came back eventually. When Olivia was four months old, she returned. They'd agreed over the phone that Cat was her legal guardian, and that Jade would send a copy of the document with her signature. She did. _

_So Cat didn't give her back straight away. "Four days a week?" Cat asked. "And please don't take off. If you can't take it, tell me please. Please." Jade nodded. _

"_Which days?"_

"_Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Sunday?" Jade nods, and then chews her lip. Cat raises her eyebrow._

"_It's Tuesday." Jade nods again._

"_Right." _

"_You can stay if you want," Cat says gently, touching Jade's paler than ever arm. She flinches. _

"_Why would you want someone like me to stay? Why would you want me to stay?"_

"_I love you," Cat says. "You're my best friend. This was your moment of weakness. I've had plenty. It's okay not to be okay," Jade skims her teeth with her tongue, deep in thought._

"_Okay." She says. "I'll take myself up to the guest room?" Cat grins and nods, forgetting the last four months. _

"_I love you Jade, don't forget it." Jade smiles weakly and starts to go up the stairs._

"_I love you too." _

**A/N: **

**There's one more flashback chapter after this one. I'm sorry it's so long, but obviously this is a **_**big **_**part of their lives. Cat is very understanding here but you'll find out why she's mad in the next chapter. Hopefully you like the flashbacks. I thought I'd upload this before the end of the world *eye roll*. **

**And if I don't get to update before the 25****th****, which I probably will because I love flashbacks –**

**Merry Christmas! (Or whatever you celebrate I hope it's merry :P)**


	9. Chapter 9

_It's way too early, Jade thinks. She looks at the digital clock beside her. One of Cat's weird ways is having a clock in every room. Even the bathroom. It's 3.20am. Jade blinks in the soft glow of the dimmed light. Cat must have turned it down for her. No one really knows, but Jade never sleeps in total darkness. Jade scratches her head and walks to Cat's room. She's sitting up with Olivia. Cat smiles as Jade sits next to them. _

"_Why are you up so early, Livvy?" Jade smiles at Olivia. She squeezes her chubby cheeks. Olivia starts to cry. Jade looks panicked. "Why is she crying?" Cat frowns._

"_She's probably just sleepy and hungry. Do you want to sort her out? I'll go to sleep." Jade nods. She picks up Olivia carefully and rocks her. "Night-night."_

"_Night." Jade says quietly. She grabs Olivia's Moses basket and takes her to the next room. "You're okay, Livvy. Promise, I'm your mommy." Jade rocks her while she sighs gently, falling asleep. "I'm so sorry I left you. Auntie Cat has given you the best start. You won't remember this though, darling."_

_Olivia is soon asleep, tucked up and cosy now. Jade pads back to her room, her soft breaths the only sound. She won't be able to sleep now. She gets up and makes coffee, stretching quietly. Jade takes this as her chance to see what's been going on in the world. She switches the TV to the news and sits down. The low hum of the electricity in the room comforts her. _

"_Abandoned baby girl freezes to death as temperatures drop to minus." The TV is switched off then, and Jade lies back, gripping her mug tightly. She doesn't move when the coffee is cold, and she doesn't move when there's a high pitched cracking sound, and pieces of cute kitties are scattered over her legs. Cat yawns as she tiptoes downstairs, calling quietly for Jade at 6am. _

"_Are you okay?" Cat says. Her eyes soften when they see Jade, and she rushes over, taking the broken pieces of China out of Jade's bloody hands. She dabs at Jade's hands with a tissue, while Jade squeezes her eyes shut. _

"_I didn't mean to." Cat nods, grimacing at all the blood. "I just…"_

"_I know." Cat sighs at her best friend, trembling and needing to be taken care of. Cat bites her lip. "You…you just broke the mug didn't you?" Jade nods. "Okay." Cat sprays some antiseptic on her wound and is spooked when she doesn't even flinch. When Cat sprayed it on herself a few months back when she'd broken her mirror, it hurt. A lot. "I don't think you'll need stitches." _

_Cat smiles brightly when Jade is all bandaged up. "So! It's Wednesday today and I thought we could go out." She hauls Jade up and gets her into her room. "Tori's old clothes are here. They may be a little snug," Cat says, but she's not sure. Jade is so thin now. Tori's old clothes hung off of her skeletal frame. Cat chewed the inside of her cheek. "We'll get you some new clothes today."_

_Cat let Jade dress Olivia, thinking it would be fun for her. Jade slipped her into the dinky dress, going through the motions. She didn't smile once. She did look up gratefully at Cat though, saying a quick thank you. _

…_.._

_Shopping was very tiring for everyone. Jade kept bursting into tears and so Olivia was unsettled. Cat wanted to take her pain away so badly. She couldn't stand seeing the person who meant the most to her in her life shattering like glass in front of her. Cat's voice shook as she tried to comfort Jade. _

"_It's okay. You're fine. I'm so sorry." Cat rubbed Jade's back, cringing when she could feel every curve in her spine. "We'll make you better, I promise. You'll be okay again, really." Jade mops at her face viciously with a tissue. Cat slowly pulls her hand from her face. "Don't hurt yourself." _

_Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. Cat is at the end of her tether. Jade is still crying; she can hear her at night. It's getting worse. Cat hates seeing people upset. She fusses over Jade a lot. But one day, much later, Cat went to the store. She took Olivia with her but left Jade at home, sleeping. _

_Cat was happy for a while. Jade was okay at home, Olivia was sleeping in the shopping cart chair, and she was okay. That was what Cat thought until she got home. She heard screaming like someone was being murdered. Cat's so scared she leaves the baby in the car. She runs in and stops at the scene in front of her. Jade is standing on the couch, poised to attack with a lamp in her hand. It might have been funny on TV. But this wasn't TV. Cat slowly walked up to her. That's when she notices Beck staring up at her. "GET HIM OUT!" Jade screams at Cat, terror flashing on her face. Her usually pale cheeks are scarlet and she looks even skinnier than yesterday. _

"_Okay. Calm down, Jadey, calm down." Jade looked down upon hearing her old nickname. She lets Cat take the lamp. She slumps back on the couch. Her eyes snap shut. She hears hushed whispers._

"_Get out." Then she feels a pair of hands grabbing her by the wrist. She struggles and screams. Her eyes are open again. Her eyes soften. His face is unshaven and dirty. Then she sees it; the pink lipstick stain on his neck. Coral blush. Her favourite. _

"_You didn't?" Jade whispers. "Not..?" Beck nods. "How could you?" She mutters the name under her breath. __**Alyssa Vaughn. **__She starts to hit him pounding him with her bony knuckles. Cat tries to pry her off of him. "Tell me why!" Jade starts to wreck everything. Hitting everyone, injuring herself. Cat can't look at her. _

"_Call 911!" Cat says, going to get the baby. She cradles her and contemplates taking her to Jade, but knows, regardless of her feelings, that she's not well enough. Cat cries when they take her away kicking and screaming. She picks up pebbles and throws them at Beck, blaming him for everything. _

"_You shouldn't be here! Why are you here?! Do you want to hurt her? They took her away!" She screams, throwing the contents of her makeup bag at him. A nail polish bottle hits him and he throws it back half-heartedly. He doesn't want to hurt her. He encases her in a hug and she lets him. She's still hitting him, slowly with her fists. "What am I going to do?" She asks him. He shakes his head. She walks back inside, locking the car and leaving him out in the rain. _

_Cat sighs. She's left holding the baby once again. _

**A/N:**

**Sorry I haven't updated. But I'm back! I hope you all had lovely holidays! oxox**


	10. Chapter 10

_Cat puts the baby back in the car seat. She does up the little buttons on her coat and pulls the pink blanket up to Olivia's nose. Cat breathes in deeply, fastening her own jacket. She goes to the front window of the taxi, and shakes as she tells the driver to take them to Troubled Springs, a branch of Troubled Waters. The driver nods kindly and says he knows where to go. _

_Cat leans back as she hears the click of her seatbelt, trying to relax a bit. It doesn't work. She looks out of the window and nearly chokes. The driver asks her if she's okay. _

"_Can we roll the window at the back a bit?" She asks, breathless. The driver looks back quickly. He rolls down the window quickly and Cat grabs her water bottle. She throws it out, aiming for her target. It hits Beck. He looks back, wide-eyed. Cat does a lot of hand motions. He turns away and Cat curses, doing a different type of hand motion back at him. The girl who's hanging onto his arm uses a varied vocabulary to describe Cat, too. "What a whor-" she pauses as the driver leans back to listen. "Horrible day, Olivia…what a horrible day." _

_They arrive pretty quickly and Cat checks her watch. "Well, Olivia, I'm going see your mom now. You are too." They walk in and Cat is close to tears. It's like a__** prison**__. She jiggles Olivia happily on her hip. "Okay…let's see. Your mama is in the butterfly unit. That's rooms 60 through to 100." Cat pulls out the slip she got from the front desk, telling her Jade's room number. 64. Cat shoves her bag in Olivia's car seat along with her keys and Olivia's toys and diaper bag. They walk to her room and Cat braces herself. "She's getting better." Cat reassures herself. She opens Jade's door and creeps in. Jade is sitting on her bed, her eyes closed, her forehead creased. _

"_I'm so glad you made time to see me." Jade whispered, a teardrop rolling down her face. She doesn't brush it away so Cat does for her. Cat bites her lip, scared that Jade is so fragile she'll break. "I always forget to tell you I love you." _

"_It's okay," Cat tries. "I love you too. You'll always be a sister to me," Cat hugs Jade tightly. She hands Olivia over. Jade starts to get upset again. She grabs Cat's hand. _

"_She deserves so much better. Her parents can't look after themselves, let alone her." _

"_You're just sick." Cat reassures her. "You'll be fine." Jade sighs, playing with Olivia's fingers. Olivia grins at her mother, and Jade smiles sadly back. _

_Cat visited every other day until Jade was well enough to come home. And seven months later, Jade could. By then, Olivia's first birthday had passed. She was fourteen months old now. She was talking at last. Thankfully she'd said her first word when Jade walked in the first day after treatment. "Hi-Hi!" Jade's head snapped up. A grin crept across her face. "Oh, Livvy!" Jade bit her lip. She played with her all afternoon, never getting tired of hearing "hihi". It was only seven when Jade went to bed, so Cat put the baby to sleep._

_Cat tucked the blankets in and gave Olivia her stuffed horse. "Night night sweetheart, sleep 't let the bug beds bite, will you?" The baby shook her head, her curls bouncing. Her blue eyes shone up at her, looking so much like Jade. But her tanned skin glowing against Jade's pale complexion reminded them every day of Beck. "I'll see you in the morning, darling." _

"_Byebye." Cat awwed and then gently shut the door. Cat chuckled to herself as she walked to her room. She fell into a deep and easy sleep, her breathing slow and steady, her heart beating like a drum. _

_Jade's eyes spring open as she hears Olivia screaming. She hears Cat get up too. They both rush to her room. "Oh sweetie, come here." Cat picks her up, cradling her carefully. "You mustn't jump out of your crib!" She lets Olivia hold her hand and take her first steady steps. Eventually Olivia lets go of Cat's hands. She toddles over to Jade and grabs her hand. _

"_Mama!" Olivia cried, as if Jade didn't know. Jade picks her up and snuggles against her. It reminds her of the first moment she saw her. Powdery and pink, her baby looked so perfect. Her lips were perfect. Her hair. Her eyes. _

"_Yes, darling I'm your Mommy. I love you very very very much, so much you won't believe." Jade sighed. "Cat? I need to find Beck." _

**A/N: **

**So….this is it. I hope you like it :)**


	11. Chapter 11

"_He's not here, Cat, he's not here!" Jade yells at Cat. It's the sixth bar they've been to. Cat is secretly hoping that they don't find him. Or at least don't find him with another girl. _

"_We'll find him soon," Cat soothes. "Don't shout. You'll wake the baby." Jade scowls, turning away from Cat like an angry little girl would to her mother. "I can't be a mom to both of you. Grow up, will you!" The look on Jade's face – shock, horror, mouth ajar and eyes popped – was like a slap in the face to Cat. Jade turns away and Cat does too. They walk up to the next bar. Jade opens the door, letting Livvy and Cat go first then briskly running in as well. It's freezing. Jade is rubbing her hands together._

_Cat sees it first. She stands there with her mouth agape. She tries to turn but she's stuck. Her feet are planted to the ground. "You." Cat whispers. She gets angry. "You!" Jade walks up and sees it too. Her whole face crumples. Her eyes don't go to his bare chest or to his pants or his shirt and tie on the floor. Jade's eyes dart right to his ring finger. Tears stream down her face. _

"_You said you loved me." She looks to the ground. "You said it." She picks at the hangnail on her thumb, cursing when it starts to bleed. "Who are you?" Jade asks. "Well?" Jade's voice rises an octave or two. The girl stumbles with her words. _

"_I-I'm-My name is Summer." _

_Cat shouts and swears but Jade is trying to make sense of it all. Her Beck. Hers! She just didn't understand. "Okay." Jade turns to Cat. "I think I'm going to be sick." _

_Jade rubs her temples and closes her eyes. She's horribly, messily sick all over Summer. "I didn't mean to." Jade says, though she's not entirely sure. She wasn't __**sorry**__ but she didn't really mean to. Summer looks up at Beck who is looking at Jade. _

"_You still love her. I can see it in your eyes." Jade shakes her head viciously. She can feel a migraine coming on. She moves Summer out of her way and marches upstairs to the house quarters of the bar. Cat quickly follows. Jade busily makes coffee in the kitchen. She looks at Cat when the coffee is poured. Jade tuts when she swallows a mouthful. _

"_I miss Jet Brew." Cat nods, pouring herself a mug. She passes Olivia to Jade. There was no way she was staying with those two. "Where is this, anyway? He hasn't gone and bought a bar has he! Oh god, what a mess we've made."_

"_It's okay. You'll be okay. Like you always are." Jade shrugs. She slams the mug down and sighs._

"_Well, I better go clean up the mess I 'spose." Jade goes downstairs and sees Summer leaving. She uses the voice for mocking Tori for Summer. "Leaving so soon, sugar?" She runs out, her high heels clicking. She shrugs and turns to Beck. "Are we good?" _

"_We're good." Beck leans closer and plants a kiss on her soft red lips. He smiles. "So good." She knows it takes more than a kiss to fix them, but she really wanted a kiss. It's a bittersweet kiss. They haven't felt sparks like that in a while, and they go with it. Even Cat can't help but aww. _

'_**A kiss with a fist is better than none." **_

_Jade laughs. "What even is this place?" _

"_A bar," Beck replies. Jade rolls her eyes. His eyes glisten. "I was squatting here while the owner went out of town." Jade raises her eyebrows and so does Cat._

"_I see." Jade looks to the ground. "I'm sorry." Beck nods. _

"_Me too. You weren't well. I know." Jade bits her lip and pouts without meaning to. It softens Beck's hardened heart. His heart just about melts when he sees Olivia, grinning at him. "Oh, Livvy, you're so big." _

"_We're here for her now. You've got us and Cat." Cat smiles sadly behind them. It doesn't make sense to her. Their love is twisted. They love each other so much. Cat wishes she was like that. She knew deep down, though, that Jade's heart was cello taped together and cellophane wrapped. It was going to take much much more than a sweet hello kiss to gain her trust again. And for him, he wouldn't be able to trust that Jade was stable enough. _

_There was a long road ahead. _

**A/N:**

**Hi.  
Bye. **_  
_


	12. Chapter 12

"_Where are you going?" Cat yawns, seeing Jade rummaging through some bags. "Stop for a minute, will you?"_

"_Yes, sorry. What did you want?" Jade looks up and Cat sees the purple-y black dark circles under her eyes. Cat checks her watch bleary eyed. Jade said she had a thing about clocks. She blinks off the sleep._

"_It's quarter to five in the morning! What are you doing? Go back to bed, for heaven's sake! Do you want to wake the baby?" Cat whisper shouts at her. She rolls her chocolaty eyes at the sound of Olivia's cries. "Thank you so much." Cat glares. She walks off._

"_Wait!" Jade scrabbles up. "I'll get her." Cat rolls her eyes once again. She puts a finger to her lips. _

"_No," Cat says firmly. She puts the bag in the cupboard and shuts it. "Get some sleep." Jade smiles. Cat sighs and smiles back. She goes to the baby. "Yes, I know darling. It's okay. Auntie Cat is here, shh shh, now. Don't want to wake mommy and daddy." Olivia looks up innocently, her big eyes questioning and her mouth slightly ajar. _

"_No wakey?" Cat smiles. She picks Olivia up and sits her on her lap. _

"_No wakey," Cat confirms. "Mommy is trying to sleep. Daddy is snoring." Cat snores, making Olivia laugh. "Okay, Livvy, we'll go and get some breakfast, what do you think?" Olivia grins. Cat smile too. They walk downstairs and Cat fixes Olivia some milk in a sippy cup and gets her some scrambled eggs. Cat waits a few moments for the eggs to cool and lets Olivia stab at them with her fork. Most of it lands on the floor, but Livvy's having fun stabbing at it, so Cat doesn't mind much. Cat hums as she clears up the egg, letting Olivia babble with her. _

"_Uptown girl, she's been living in her uptown world!" Cat belts out. Olivia grins. _

"_Up up up!" Cat smiles and kisses her button nose. Olivia tries to get down from her high chair._

"_No," Cat says, firmly, "You mustn't do that. Wait for mama or daddy or me," Olivia cries. "Shh, Olivia. It's okay. I'll get you down now, but remember: wait." _

_Cat goes to wake Jade and Beck up, as now it's 9am and Cat wants to get everything sorted. She doesn't understand. They stir and Cat goes downstairs to leave them to get dressed. She combs back through her memory. She was seven when her dad first left. She winces, the memory fresh in her mind. _

_**She hears shouting, a slammed door, a smashed glass. Cat covers her ears and feels her stomach tighten. Her knees draw up to her chest and she breathes slowly. "Cat?" Her daddy's voice. She hears crying but it's her tears streaming down her face. Her hands shake, and she finds herself seeing red, clawing at the man she thought she knew. She slams her door in his face. She cries some more. Her mom and brother try to find her and comfort her. The same door slams in their face. _

"_Go away!" She yells. "All of you!" She dives under her duvet, covering her head with her pillow. She breathes deeply even though blankets over her head makes her feel suffocated and she just wants to get away. She hears a car drive away. _

"_You'll see him on Tuesdays and Sundays." She looked forward to those days, even though her brother shunned him and her mother left whenever he was there. It's all a blur after that. Then she's suddenly 12, and her dad is around far too much. He's home too much. Too close for comfort. **_

_Cat tries to think of the book her mother always read her when she was in a good mood. She remembers a part suddenly and whispers it._

"_**The smell of the Madeleine, unleashing the flood of memory. "For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say to myself, 'I'm falling asleep'." **_

_She rubs her eyes and then sighs. Jade is walking towards the kitchen and Cat counts to three. "One, two, three…there it is." The coffee maker's switch was pressed. "One, two, three…"_

"_Do you want a cup?" _

"_Yes, please. Tw-"_

"_I know how you take your coffee." Cat raises her eyebrows._

"_Yes, sorry, I know." Jade brings the cups in on a tray with an assortment of biscuits. "You eat some, too, Jade. You're awfully thin." _

"_Okay," Jade replies. She takes the plain shortbread and breaks off a piece. _

"_Jade, I get more calories than that while brushing my teeth! Please eat." Jade flashes Cat a look._

"_I'll eat lunch, I promise." Jade stuck to her word. She ate every bite of her sandwich and Cat watched. She knew that Jade would be annoyed. She wasn't anorexic or bulimic; she was just to on edge to eat. _

"_Would you like anything to drink?" Cat asked, clearing up. Jade nodded._

"_Water, please." Cat nods. She brings Jade the glass out with a lemon wedge perched on the edge of the glass, with some grapes on the side. Jade raises an eyebrow. "I don't need a mother, Cat. I can eat when I want to." _

"_Why are you doing this to yourself? I don't understand it. Your clothes HANG off of you. You're skeletal. I'm thinking of slipping stuff in your meals, calorie shakes in your coffee." Jade presses her lips tighter. "Say something Jade. Tell me, please, tell me. I worry about you so much." _

_Cat winces. _

"_What's wrong?" Jade asks quickly. Cat waves her off and sits down._

"_Turn the light off," Cat instructs Jade. "It's just a headache. The light hurts my eyes." She squeezes her eyes shut tightly and rubs them so hard that she sees purple spots and it takes her a minute to see properly. She blinks rapidly. "I'm fine." _

"_Okay," Jade says. "Um, I have to talk to you about something." _

"_Not now, Jade, my head isn't up to it."_

"About Livvy," Cat straightens, takes a deep breath and nods. 

"_What?"_

"_We're leaving," Jade says slowly. _

"_What? Like, for the week or?"_

"_Ever. You know, living it out on our own. Sorting everything out." Cat smiles. _

"_You two need a new town, to leave this all behind." Jade smiles._

"_Yes, so that's why. We're leaving next week." _

"_Oh?" Cat says, surprised. "Will you visit?"_

"_Yes, of course. You looked after her for all this time, and we'll make sure to bring her here." _

"_Sorry?" Cat chokes. "She's not leaving, I'm telling you that now." Jade frowns._

"_But she's mine," Jade says, taken aback. "She's my baby!"_

"_You two need to get your own lives back on track before you take her." _

"_We are sorted," Jade replies. Cat nods._

"_Okay. Where are you staying?" _

"_We're renting that little flat. So cosy."_

"_Is it child friendly?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Some places don't take kids. Is it child proofed? Can you afford it?"_

"_Yes," Jade says uncertainly. "It's lovely, and I'm taking my baby back, whether you like it or not."_

"_This isn't a game. She isn't a toy." _

"_I know." _

"_Then why aren't you thinking?"_

"_I'm trying," Jade says quietly. _

"_I know," Cat sighs. "But you're not ready."_

"_If I want to take her, which I do, and I do take her, which I will, what will you do?"_

"_I'll get a care order, and I'll be her legal guardian, which I am already."_

"_You'll take me to court?" Jade chokes. _

"_Yes, if necessary. It's about the baby now, Jade." Jade takes a defensive stance and recomposes herself. _

"_Well, I'll see you there then!" _

**A/N:**

**Hi. The flashbacks are almost over so that's that, but you know…gotta get everything in.. :) Anyhow I just wanted to say that not all of this is just thrown together, I like to at least try and relate to some people. So I do include personal things like Cat's headaches (I get it a lot worse than this) and a few other things. I just want you to be interested, and relate to some scenarios. **

**Thanks.**


	13. Chapter 13

"Do you still get headaches?" Jade blurts out. Cat raises her eyebrow and lowers her head.

"Yes," Cat says slowly. "Why do you ask?" She sips her coffee mug.

"I don't know." Jade frowns. "I just remember something." Cat shakes her head. "Go on, tell me the rest."

"_Okay," Jade says. "I don't want to fight with you."_

"_Me either." Cat says bluntly. "I'm going to get a muffin. Do you want one?" Jade shakes head. "No, I forgot. Sorry. Of course not." Jade sighs and turns away. She plays with Olivia. "Can you put her down for a nap?" Jade smiles and nods. She runs up the stairs with Olivia. _

"_Okay, baby," Jade tucks the covers under. "Have a good sleep." Beck watches her from the doorframe. _

"_What was that about, babe?" He asks, concerned. Jade looks back at him. She looks at the baby. _

"_Cat doesn't want us to take the baby," Jade whispers. "She's taking us to court." Jade's eyes fill with tears. Beck envelopes her into a bear hug and breathes in Cat's strawberry shampoo. "Please don't let her take my baby."_

"_She's ours," Beck says gently. "And she's not going anywhere." _

"_Cat wouldn't actually take her, per say. She'd just be here, you know?" Jade looks up hopefully. _

"_No, Jade, we can't stay here forever. You know that." _

"_I do know!" Jade insists. "But look what she's done for us. Look at her, so peaceful." _

"_We're getting out of here. Before our baby becomes hers." Jade shakes her head._

"_No way." _

"_Well, I'm leaving if you don't." Jade starts to cry. _

"_Please don't leave me, please don't leave me Beck! I love you so much and I love you to the moon and back!"_

"_Okay, babe, calm down. Let's get sorted." They sit together and talk it over. Tears spill over Jade's face as she nods, reluctantly agreeing with him. They needed to leave quickly. Jade grabbed Olivia's diaper bag and stuffed clothes and bottles and binkies. She then emptied the biggest handbag she had and stuffed her own clothes inside, her toothbrush, toiletries, emergency cash, and a few other bits and pieces. She sits down and writes a letter. _

_**I don't want to do this. I just wanted a quiet life. I suppose life was okay before Beck came back. I love him. I love Livvy. I can't leave him anymore than I can leave her. I know what you're thinking. "What's that supposed to mean!?"**_

_**I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I hope to see you very very soon. Please don't do anything silly. Take care of yourself.**_

_**Love you forever and eternally grateful,**_

_**Jade xo**_

_She leaves it in the crib, and then walks out, trying hard not to cry. She pulls her hair back in a tight ponytail, thinking that if she left Olivia with Cat she'd never get to do that for her.__** Lies.**__ She knows that Cat would let her do whatever she wanted – "She's your baby." _

"_I'm so, so very sorry." Jade means it. She picks up Olivia. "Okay, baby, we're going on an adventure. Ready?"_

"_Ready mommmi!" Olivia squeals. _

"_Shh!" Jade yells. She shocks herself. "I'm sorry, sorry…Shh now." Jade starts to doubt herself. She's never really been a quiet person but never has she yelled at Livvy. She forgets about that for now. They need to leave, quickly._

"_Bye bye, Auntie Cat," Jade whispers. Livvy repeats._

"_Bye bu Ant Cat!" Olivia babbles. _

"_What was that, Jade?" Cat calls from the kitchen. "Are you okay?"_

"_I'm fine!" Jade replies. "Just dandy…" Jade curses herself for being so stupid. Beck runs down the stairs with the bags. He smiles sweetly and Jade melts. _

"_Come on, babe. Hold on tight to Olivia. We haven't got her seat."_

"_I'll drive," Jade offers. "You can hold the baby." Beck agrees. He takes his daughter and holds her tenderly as they load up the bags. _

"_I love you two so much." Beck says. "I'll forever be sorry."_

"_We love you, too." _

_They drive and drive and find a town far enough away that they can stop. "This was the place my dad used to take me," Jade says softly. "I never told anyone."_

"_You said he was a deadbeat dad." _

"_I lied." Jade shrugged. She bites her lip, considering. "It was when mom left. He said it was because he felt like we needed a break, but I know he didn't want me coming home from school to an empty house, or sitting at dinner eating take outs asking where mama was." _

"_He must have loved you." _

"_I suppose so." _

"_You call your mom mama?" _

"_Yes, when she was being nice to me." _

"_Why do you act as if your parents hate you, then?" Beck asked, less than tactfully. _

"_Because mama left for good one day, and we couldn't stay here forever, daddy said. No matter how much I begged." _

"_Oh, Jade." Beck said slowly. His face softened. _

"_I didn't understand why he wanted to go back so soon. He liked it here, when it was just us," Jade says, ignoring Beck. "Dawn Summers, that's why! She was six years older than me, that's all. Nineteen years old! Daddy sold our house. I didn't want to move away. I didn't want a new baby brother at fifteen. I didn't want to listen to Dawn or take the yappy dog out for walkies!" Jade shouted. "I always thought, you know, what if mom comes back? I told him my fears and he ignored me. Daddy ignored me. I told him everything. In middle school nobody liked me, so I told him. I said, you know, daddy, nobody likes me! And he said, no, that's not true. He said that he liked me and that Dawn liked me and that Steven liked me, but Steven was like, two, and I didn't like him and-"_

"_Jade, calm down. Your dad isn't here. You're okay!" Tears poured down Jade's face like a waterfall. _

"_But we just left Cat like mama left me…" Jade rasps, "I'm just as bad as mom!" Beck lowered his eyes, clutching the baby tightly. "I think I'm going to be sick," Jade says, for the second time since they'd been reunited. She's right, and so cries even more. She covers her face with her hands. _

_For the first time in 15 years, all Jade Oliver (Nee West) wanted, was a hug from mommy and daddy. _

**A/N:**

**Hopefully all the dates and stuff are right. And even though Cat is telling the story, I decided to add this part in. Hope you don't mind. (: **


	14. Chapter 14

_Jade twists and turns in the night, her dream prodding her, unleashing memories that had been buried for a very long time. _

_Flashback/Dream_

_*"Daddy, daddy, look what I can do!" _

"_What can you do?" Mr West says, not looking up from the TV. Jade stops, her bottom lip trembling. Jade tries to demonstrate her impressive hula hooping. Jade's father nods. _

"_Daddy!" Jade says. She was about to complain when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" Jade runs for the door but her father catches her. _

"_No, my sweet, you stay there." He goes to the door and comes back looking very sombre. He paints a smile on his face. "Okay, Jade, what about a trip to Bellside?" Jade looks up from her Barbies. _

"_Will mom come this time?" Jade asks excitedly. She picks up Lucy, one of her brunette Barbie dolls. "Can Lucy come?"_

"_Mama is…tied up in work, okay? Of course, honey, Lucy is always welcome." His eyes sadden for his little girl. "I love you, you know that?" Jade nods._

"_I love you, too, daddy." He smiled. _

"_There's a good girl. Ask Claudia to help you pack, and we'll leave straight away. Tell her daddy said you can take whatever you like, my darling."_

"_Okay daddy!" Jade grins, the gap where her two front teeth used to be making her look ever so cute, and runs up the stairs quickly, trying to find Claudia. "Claudie!" Jade yells. _

"_Be nice, Jade," Mr West warns. _

"_Yes, daddy!" He smiles. He hoped his little girl would always be like this, and he also hoped that her calling him daddy wouldn't stop either. "Daddy," Jade calls angrily. She starts to scream and cry. "There's something wrong with Razor!" Razor was Jade's pet Cat. _

"_Jade, hunny," Claudia says warily, in her thick Russian accent. "Razor is a bit ah, ezz you say, sickly. Go and get daddy and ve'll call zee animal doctor." Jade runs._

"_Daddy, daddy, Claudie says Razor is sick!" Mr West picks up Jade and rushes her up the stairs while dialling the number for the vet._

"_Yes, this is Mr West." Jade looks on worriedly. "Yes," Mr West says tiredly. "Razor is ours." He smiles at Jade. "They'll be here soon, my darling." Jade sees Razor being checked over by the vet. She watches, fascinated by the way they took blood from her. She winced though, not liking seeing her in pain. _

"_It's okay, Razor," Jade whispers. "I love you." _

"_She loves you, too, sweetie," says the vet, looking up. Jade shrugs. _

"_I guess so." Jade bites her lip as they wrap up her bandaged arm. "Sorry they did this, Rayzay," Jade says, kneeling and kissing the top of her head. "You're getting better now." _

"_Jade," Mr West calls. "Come over here." Jade obeys and trots over happily. She grins. "The vet has been talking to me,"*_

_Jade wakes up in a cold sweat. There are tears pouring down her face, and she squeezes her eyes shut. She remembers that day not so clearly. She remembers Razor closing her eyes, and sleeping. She left her to sleep, but when she went back she was gone. There was a tiny gravestone in their garden. "I wanted to say goodbye." Jade whispers into the darkness of their room. She leaves a note on her pillow and explains. She drives their truck to the only place she wants to be right now – home. She drives carefully even though Olivia wasn't with her. She thought it was something she should do alone. She creeps in and opens the back gate. She knows her dad still lives here. He sent her letters years ago, and the letter "J" is still on the wall outside. She smiles sadly._

_The letters A (for Adam, Jade's dad) J, for Jade, which she was pleased was still in its pride of place, the second letter, and A for Angelica, Jade's mother. There was also, on another wall, an S for Steven and a D for Dawn. She's glad they're part of their own wall. It's her daddy and she's his baby. She traces the A. "Mama…" Jade sighs. She picks herself up and walks into the back garden. She's horrified when she doesn't see the little headstone or her old picture hanging frame on the shed wall. "I think I've been forgotten," Jade grumbles. She's angry about there being no memory of Razor. Perhaps Dawn thought it too tacky. She reaches for the key – her dad always keeps it in the same place, above the doorframe, and Jade's finally tall enough to reach. She was a sixteen year old when she left, scrawny and 5"1. She unlocks the door and quietly slips in. She notices her old slippers by the door. Her heart leaps a little bit, because her daddy didn't forget. There's still that stupid picture of her and Beck, grinning at the camera, leaning onto each other in a picnic park. Jade smiles slightly. She used to hate that photo. _

_There's a picture of Jade and her mama. Jade reaches out for it, scared to touch the old frame. It's been so long since she'd seen her mother's face she scarcely believes it. There's a picture of Dawn. She frowns and turns the picture face down. She runs upstairs, minding the creaky one on the left. She's relived to find her old room with a J on the door. She walks in and sits on the end of the bed. She jumps when a furry animal jumps on her lap. "Hello there, kitty," Jade says. She frowns. "Razor?" The cat purrs. Jade's eyes pop. She lifts the cat up. "Oh, Razor!" She says, forgetting to whisper. "Shoot." _

_She sits on the floor with Razor. "Well, shut the front door, Rayzay, I thought you died!" A figure walks into the darkness. A tall, pale figure. _

"_What are you doing?" He shouts. "Put my cat down!" Jade stand._

"_Excuse me, Steven, but this is my cat." She says angrily. "Where's daddy?" He scoffs. _

"_Who are you? And aren't you a little old for daddy?" _

"_I'm Jade, idiot." He stands there, shell shocked. "What are you gaping at?" _

"_Jade? __**The**__ Jade?" _

"_Well I'd hope so, wouldn't you?" Jade snaps. _

"_Dad!" Steven shouts. Jade stands and glares. _

"_I'm leaving." She announces. She goes into her cupboard and grabs her cat carrier. She's pleased it's still in there. "Go on, Raz, get in." The cat obeys. He gapes again. "What!" _

"_She never gets in there." Jade looks up._

"_Okay.." Jade walks out of the door._

"_You can't take Dad's cat." Steven declares. "He says it's the only thing that keeps him hopeful about you." _

"_What?" Jade stops, hovering at the door. _

"_He says that she keeps him going. You left him, and he needs her."_

"_Garbage. I'm leaving. It's a cat. My cat." _

"_You didn't mind leaving her the first time," Steven says, unaware about Jade's persona. _

"_Excuse me?" Jade asks. She raises her eyebrow. "Get out of my way."_

"_No." Jade burns with anger. _

"_If you don't get out of my way, I swear to god I'll-"_

"_Jade?" Adam West appears out of the shadows and grabs her. She steps back and almost falls. _

"_No, I'm done. Done! I'm leaving." _

"_I've been so worried. You haven't spoken to me in more than 10 years." _

"_You seem fine." Jade waves him off. _

"_You don't." Steven said. _

"_Steven," Adam warns. _

"_No, Dad! She left, and now you're treating her like god's gift! Look at her, she's a mess!"_

"_Steven Malcolm West! How dare you say such a thing."_

"_Daddy, I swear, I'll kill him!" Jade's bottom lip trembles. He knows he needs to get Steven away. _

"_Go to your room, son." Steven narrows his eyes but goes. Jade looks into her dad's eyes. _

"_No, daddy, no, how could you?"_

"_What?"_

"_Razor! Steven says she's his."_

"_Baby, she's been sleeping on your bed for almost 14 years. Do you really think she's his?" _

"_She has?" Jade asks softly. Adam nods. "Did you miss me, daddy?" _

"_Of course I did, you silly girl! I was worried sick. Claudia left after that."_

"_Daddy?"_

"_Yes, my darling?"_

"_Have you-"_

"_I still have everything." _

"_Even…"Jade pauses._

"_Yes, darling, I still have Lucy. How could I get rid of her?" Jade smiles. _

"_Why did you leave me, daddy?" Jade sounded like a child, lost in the woods. _

"_I didn't ever leave you, my sweet." _

"_Yes, dadd-" _

"_What?" _

"_I'm a bit old to call you daddy. I'm sorry dad."_

"_No, you aren't you can call me daddy until the day I die, you will always be my little girl." _

"_Okay, daddy. But you did leave me. You left me for Dawn and Steven. They're your family now. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be here, I'm sorry!" _

"_Honey, honey, you are always welcome. Are you still with that Beck fellow?" Jade nods. She swallows._

"_You're a grandfather."_

"_Oh, Jade!" _

"_Olivia Oliver." _

"_Very nice, Jade. How old is she?" _

"_She'll be 15 months soon." _

"_I miss you, you know that?" _

"_Yes daddy."_

"_I love you, you know that too?" Jade nods. She does know, sort of._

"_I know." Jade can't bring herself to say I love you too. _

_Jade wishes things had turned out differently, that she'd stayed with her dad. But she knows that wasn't possible. All she wanted to do was to fix everything, but unlike when she was little, a heart shaped Band-Aid from Claudia wouldn't fix it. _

**A/N:**

**I never noticed that it'd be Olivia Oliver. Poor her! Haha. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Have a great Easter!**


	15. Chapter 15

_Jade pulls out her phone from her back pocket and scrolls to the photos of Olivia. She presses her lips into a line, waiting for her father's seal of approval. "She's beautiful, isn't she?" Jade asks, smiling finally. Her dad nods._

_"Yes, honey, she is. Lovely little lass." Jade nods and rocks on her heels. _

_"I love her so much." Jade states. She sighs, pained. She didn't understand how her mama could leave her. "Where's mama?" Adam frowns._

_"You don't remember?" Jade shakes her head slowly. "I'll tell you. Sit down." She obeys, and sits down carefully, smoothing out the covers. "Your mama was very sad, when you were little. When you were five, mama had another baby." Jade blinks, suddenly coming over lightheaded. _

_"Why was she sad?" Jade asks, her voice raspy. Adam swallows noisily. _

_"She had a girl, and we called her Aubrey Mae. She was perfect, the spitting image of your mama - and you." Jade nods, tears brimming in her eyes already. "I stayed at home with you, and your grammy went with her, she liked it that way. It was supposed to be a lovely surprise for you, mama coming home with a little bundle, telling you all about the stalk that brought her."_

_"How did I not notice mama's bump? I was huge." Adam laughs dryly. _

_"We thought you would have, but you just told mama that she was getting fat." _

_"Oh!" Jade says, blushing. "Go on, daddy."_

_"We never got to take her home," Adam says. "Wait here." A tear spills down Jade's cheek. She wipes it and waits as she's told. Her dad gets a pile of documents from the file cupboard. He opens the file with shaking hands. Jade bites her lip as she sees tiny, tiny foot and hand prints, a curly lock of brunette hair, and a birth certificate. She also sees a weeny romper suit, much smaller than Livvy's when she was newborn. _

_"W-what happened to the baby, daddy?" _

_"She was stillborn, darling." _

_"My little sister...Aubrey Mae West, my little, tiny sister."_

_"Yes." Jade's dad chokes back tears. "It's been hard, especially your mama coming home from the hospital and having to kiss you, and look after you, and not being able to hold her newborn."_

_"Why didn't you tell me? Was there a funeral?" _

_"You were five years old! You couldn't understand Bambi's mom dying," Adam pauses. "There was no point in upsetting you." _

_"Sorry, daddy." He closes his eyes._

_"It's fine, honey, I didn't mean to snap. It's still raw." _

_"And mama?" Jade asks quietly. _

_"She was very, very sad. Depressed." _

_"I understand that." _

_"What?" _

_"Never mind."_

_"Honey, never ever, ever, leave me. You are so special. I need you."_

_"I won't."_

_"Good, honey," Adam sighs. "She couldn't cope, she went to her grave everyday, she loved her so much. I did, of course, too, but I had to focus on you, you were alive!"_

_"What did mama do?"_

_"She held on, for you, for a year or so, with breaks. She went to stay with gram, and cleared her head."_

_"And?"_

_"And then she gave up. I went to work, this was a few months after Claudia was here, so she was looking after you with mama, and when I returned from work, there was this big commotion, like someone had died..."_

_"Mama died?"_

_"Not yet," Adam takes a breath. "You were sitting in the corner, rocking in Claudia's lap. You'd found her, lying on the landing, passed out. You screamed for Claudia and then...she was taken to hospital. You visited once, because I didn't let you. I wish you had."_

_"The funeral?" _

_"You went. Clung onto your auntie Janie like a little monkey."_

_"Auntie Janie...This is so messed up."_

_"Why, honey?"_

_"I had no idea mama died. I thought the __**cat**__ died." _

_"Oh, baby, no."_

_"Yes." Jade puts her head between her knees. "How could she leave me?"_

_"I don't know, Jade. Do I?"_

_"No, I hope not."_

_"I'm sorry. I should have kept a closer eye on your mother."_

_"What could you have done? You couldn't have stopped her topping herself, or hanging herself from the chandelier, or slitting her bony wrists." Jade shakes her head, growing angry. "How did she do it?"_

_"Sweetie, you don't want to know that."_

_"Yes, I do!" _

_"Really?"_

_"I loved her so much! And she left me!" _

_"She took too many sleeping pills. Maybe it wasn't on purpose."_

_"Was there a letter?" Jade's dad shifts awkwardly. "Was it for me?" He nods. "Can I see it?" He nods again. He fetches the letter. Jade opens it and then scans it._

_**To my dearest, darling Jade, **_

_**I hope you're grown now. Maybe you'll have babies of your own. Perhaps with that Beck chap, you always had a twinkle in your eye for him. The same twinkle I had for your daddy. You're only a baby yourself now, though. Five years old is nothing, though you strut around in those ballet shoes like you own the place. If only I could see that again. Maybe now, your daddy has told you about Aubrey. If not, now's my chance.**_

_**Aubrey Mae West. Such a pretty name. Pretty like yours, isn't it? Jade August West, my little superstar. She's your little sister. She's in heaven now. The angels needed her. I don't think that's a good enough excuse. We love her very much. I love you very much, my darling. More than life itself. Because you are my little ballerina, my twinkling star. I know you love me very much, sweetie. I know it from the way you grin at me, or the way you look up at me when you're laughing. Of all these things I'm not certain of, it's not your love. You're the most loving girl I know. You know mama loves you too? Of course you do. I hope you remember me. I hope you remember my handwriting. That's why this is handwritten. **_

_**I'm very sorry, my little sparrow, but I'm joining the angels. You'll understand one day. Please, don't hate me. You've always loved your daddy anyway, so enjoy him, and enjoy any future family you may gain. Don't be bitter. I know you though, and I know you will be. And that's okay. Your daddy will still love you. You're his little princess, and nothing on earth could ever replace that. Nothing will replace me, I know, but I need to make your birthday's special still. If your daddy has forgotten all about this letter, I bought you presents up until your 30th birthday. I may have gone overboard, but I want you to know that I love you so, so very much, and nothing will change that, okay? I promise.**_

_**I hope blue is still your favourite. I hope I'm your favourite mommy still. **_

_**I love you. Stay my baby. Stay my beautiful princess. Stay mine. It might hurt now, but you'll be able to say my name without wincing. Your children and your love with take away some of your pain. They will kiss it away. Blow me lots of kisses. Cuddle Razor extra tightly. Tell your loved ones that you love them everyday. Everyday, honey. **_

_**Don't join me too soon, my sweet. **_

_**All my love, your Mama. **_

* * *

Sorry about the wait, guys. I was going to upload yesterday but I had to rewrite this chapter as my laptop was being a total bitch and crashed on me lol. Anyhow, here it is.


	16. Chapter 16

_The amount of water in Niagara Falls poured down Jade's skin, her breaths coming out quick and heavy. She was blinking quickly, screwing her eyes shut tight._

_"Olivia?" Jade says. She felt like she couldn't breathe. "Daddy, help me!" Jade starts to hyperventilate. "I can't breathe!"_

_"Calm down. Deep breaths, honey, that's it." A bleary eyed Dawn walks in, face like thunder. She makes Jade panic more._

_"Pass-" Jade takes a breath "my-" Jade puts her head between her knees again. "Phone, " Adam passes it to her, and she dials Beck._

_"Hey, babe," Beck says sleepily on the other line. "Are you at home yet?" Jade breathes in heavily. "You're having a panic attack, Jade, you know that. Calm down. Livvy just woke up." Jade feels herself calming down and catching her breath. "She's giggling at something on the TV. I think it's the news, the little psychopath haha." Jade smiles, "Like her mama," Beck says._

_"She's cute like her daddy." Jade says finally, her face turning pale again, now she's caught her breath._

_"Yes." Beck says. He laughs and she giggles, her laugh the best thing he'd ever heard. Her dad squeezes her hand and smiles, relieved. "Is your dad happy to see you?"_

_"Yes, thank god," Jade smiles. "I'm in my bedroom."_

_"Did you see Razor's grave?" Jade clears her throat, and laughs bitterly._

_"No. I'll speak to you about that in a couple of days. Do you want to come up here or wait and look after Livvy for me?"_

_"She's my daughter too, I'll be fine. Whatever you want."_

_"Come down for a while. Just a couple of days. Bring all of Livvy's stuff?"_

_"Yes, babe, okay. I'll be down soon."_

_"We'll call Cat when you get here….Why? She'll be worried."_

_"Okay. I'll get the stuff ready."_

_"Okay. Love you."_

_"Love you too. Give Livvy a kiss from me."_

_"Will do." Jade smiles and hangs up and takes a big breath, relishing in the fact that she can now breathe. Standing in the doorway, seething, was Jade's new mommy dearest._

_"Jadelyn West! What do you think you're doing?" Jade flinches at her full name – the name only her mama called her, ever._

_"Visiting my home," Jade says calmly. "What are you doing?" Dawn's eyes widen._

_"Are you going to let that little madam talk to me like that?" Adam shrugs and looks apologetic._

_"Yes, Dawn, because she's my daughter, and you let Steven talk like that. My Jade will be treated with the same respect. I'd like to remind you that this was her home before you, dear."_

_"We will talk later." Dawn says, angrily, as she storms out with Steven._

_"Sorry, daddy," Jade says sheepishly. "You know she doesn't like me."_

_"Yes. Well, she's the adult, strictly speaking." Adam says shortly. "We've not been getting on well recently."_

_"How recent is recently?" Jade raises her eyebrow._

_"20 years ago."_

_"What?" Jade splutters. She almost laughs. "When Steven was born?" He nods._

_"She wanted to send you away. Of course I wouldn't, but she was adamant." He lowers his voice. "I'm thinking of divorce."_

_"Oh, I'm sorry, daddy. I guess you wouldn't see much of Steven anymore."_

_"Truth be told, sweetheart, I've had hardly anything to do with him."_

_"You're in the same house?"_

_"Yes, I know. But Dawn wanted it her way, threatened all sorts."_

_"You could have taken her to court," Jade says, less than tactfully. It was Adam's time to be blunt._

_"I love you with all my heart, but do you think I would've won? With a runaway teen, a spousal suicide and a track record that just kills me."_

_"No," Jade said sadly. "I do wish you'd have left her though." He nods. Jade checks her watch. "Beck should be here in an hour or so."_  
_"I'm looking forward to meeting my granddaughter." Jade smiles._  
_"Me too."_

_Hours pass, and father and daughter catch up. There is suddenly a knock on the door and Jade jumps up. She misses them both even though she'd not been gone long. "Missed us?" He laughs. Olivia grins too._

_"Mama!" Beck puts her down and she hugs her mother's legs. Jade wraps her arms round Olivia's shoulders._

_"Mommy missed you!" Jade says, hugging her tighter._

_"Mommy squashing me!" Jade laughs softly. She lifts her up so her dad can see._

_"Hi, my little Olivia," Adam says slowly. "I'm your mommy's dad."_

_"Mama dad?" Jade nods._

_"Your granddad,"_

_"Granada…" They all laugh. Beck motions for Adam to take her. Jade hands the baby over. "Dada!" Olivia yells._

_"Don't worry, baby." Jade says. "Daddy's here." Adam pats her back and bounces her on his hip until she laughs. "Is it okay if we stay?" It would be wonderful, he said, so they stayed. Jade's pink and purple room took Beck by surprise._

_"It's, uh, a bit hard to explain." She chuckles. "I was a girly girl once." He laughs._

_"So that's why I wasn't allowed in your room?" She nods. "I like you as a girly girl." He leans in to kiss her. He feels her smile while they kiss. After a while she finally pulls away. She sighs. He brushes the hair from her eyes, concerned. _

_**"This.**__" She says. "It's all wrong."_

_"Babe, it's wrong that we don't have our baby. It's wrong to keep us apart. This is not_ wrong."

_"I suppose," Jade agrees. "It doesn't feel right." _

_"No." Beck says. "I feel pretty bad. Let's call Cat." Jade agrees. She picks up the phone, hands shaking, and punches in Cat's number._

**A/N:**

**Here it is. So, I've been thinking. I feel that this is boring so I'll try to change it to make it more interesting, so if you have any ideas, just click the little review button :)**

**I don't swear in my stories or do, "M" storylines, as you can see :P but I hope that doesn't bother anyone. :) I don't really see the need in these types of things. **


	17. Chapter 17

"_How dare you be so irresponsible!" Cat screams, and Jade winces, moving the phone over slightly. "You worried me half to death!" _

"_I think I should hang up," Jade stutters, while Beck bites his lip. _

"_Don't you __**dare**__ hang up!" Cat says. She breathes slowly. "I'm so…"_

"_Angry?" Beck offers. _

"_No." Cat sighs. "At either of you." _

"_Really?" Jade squeals._

"_Don't get excited. I'm just disappointed." _

"_I'm so sorry. I love you, Cat. I don't say it enough." _

"_I know." She pauses. "I love you, too." _

"_Please don't be mad."_

"_I'm not."_

"_What are you doing?"_

"_Now?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Worrying," Cat hangs up. Jade cries a little bit, angry at herself for doing this. Beck takes her hand and they lie down, and go to sleep. By the time they wake up, Adam is tending to the baby._

"_I'm sorry," he says, embarrassed. "I didn't want to wake you or worry you." _

"_It's okay. She's happy." Adam rocks her, which makes her sleepy again. They spend some time together, granddad, mommy, and daddy, and they're happy for once. Really happy. _

_A few weeks pass, and Cat doesn't call, so they don't worry. _

_But they do. _

"_Should we call Cat?" They say, on the fifth week. Olivia is 16 months now. She's missing her. _

"_No." They don't know what to do. _

"_I only earn enough for our food and clothes, but I love you and this baby until I die."_

"_We'll take care of this little life; we've fallen in love with her baby blue eyes." _

_So they try and stay afloat, staying in a flat not too far away. "Daddy, do you think I'm doing it right?" Jade asks, sighing. Olivia was balanced on her bony hip. _

"_Yes, but for god's sake, Jade, eat something."_

"_I can't," Jade says worriedly. "I'll have some tea." The mug clanks against her teeth uncomfortably and the one biscuit she eats sticks in her throat. _

"_You're all over bones," he says, "she needs you." Adam points at Livvy. _

"_Yes, I know. And she needs my time. I don't have time to be scoffing food twenty four seven."_

"_Scoffing?"_

"_Yes," _

"_It's called staying alive." _

"_Daddy, I'm fine." And she left it at that. But Beck saw her when she got changed. He watched her. "What are you looking at?" She snaps. _

"_You…" he says, "your ribs…back…" _

"_What now?"_

"_You're so skinny."_

"_Yes, well," Jade says, dismissively, "I'm busy."_

"_Lots of people are busy." _

"_Yes, I know. And I'm one of them." He shakes his head. _

"_You're sick, Jade."_

"_There's nothing wrong with me!" Jade protests, screeching so loud there's a gathering on the landing and the baby is screaming. She touches her chest, which is reddening and angry, and plays with her pendant._

"_No, probably not. But please, go to the doctors."_

"…_Okay, but….let's go back to Cat's."_

"_Deal. I'd go to hell and back to make you okay again." Her eyes soften._

"_I love you."_

"_I love you, too." And it was then, that showed her dad why they were together. He understood it then. But he looked at his daughter, frail, pale, so sad looking. He sighed audibly. _

"_You have so much going for you." Adam says. Jade looks at him. She narrows her blue eyes – but looking back at her is the same pair of blue eyes, on her dad. _

"_I've had enough!" Jade rages. "I know you're worried. Do you think I'm not?" She storms out with the baby, in her highest heels and best makeup. _

_They walk for a while, and find a park far enough away. _

"_Momma…mama!" Olivia cries. _

"_What, baby?" Jade says, not properly listening. _

"_Baba!" Jade rubs her eyes and fishes in her bag and pulls out a banana to feed to her. _

"_No bottle, baby, that's at home. You have fruit." She says sleepily. Olivia screams. Jade shakes her head, feeling the same as awhile ago, when she first left Livvy. _

"_Dada?"_

"_Daddy isn't here." She tugs at Jade's legs impatiently. "No, Olivia. Get off mommy's legs." _

"_No mommy," and she tugs again. Jade pushes her, and promise, it's just a little push, but Olivia's littler, and falls over. Jade looks horrified and tries to pick up her screeching daughter. She runs away, and is surprisingly quick. _

"_Oh, baby!" Jade yells, running after her. She trips and falls over herself. She wipes her bloody nose with the back of her hand and kicks of her shoes, finally catching up with her daughter. She grips her hand and pulls her back gently. "Don't run away, Livvy, that's naughty." _

"_Mommy push over me!" _

"_Yes, I'm so sorry. I love you."_

"_No no no!" _

"_Yes, yes, yes. Love you." Jade tickled her. Olivia giggled and then eyed her suspiciously. _

"_Shoo!" Jade's face fell. _

"_Don't you love mommy?" _

"_Shoo!" Livvy pointed. Jade looked down at her bare feet and laughed. _

"_Yes, that's silly. Good girls don't take their shoes off, okay?" Livvy nods. _

"_Mama," Olivia babbles, just because she can. Jade takes a breath. _

"_We're going home," Jade says. "Home." _

"_Home…" _

"_Yes, to see Auntie Cat."_

"_Ann Kitty!"_

"_Yes, darling." Olivia claps. Jade smiles at her, and picks her up. _

"_Dada?" _

"_We'll go get daddy, and then go shopping,"_

"_Pink…" Olivia mutters. Jade rolls her eyes at her daughter's obsession with pink. As much as Jade hated to admit, she did think those dinky little pink dresses were cute. _

"_Okay, we'll get some nice pink clothes."_

"_Yay mommy," _

"_Yay baby." _

_They walk home, hand in hand, chatting. And for the first time in a very long time, Jade feels okay._

**A/N:**

**Not as long, but here you go. I've just finished watching a movie. It's called Raise Your Voice. I thought it'd be lighthearted, because of Hilary Duff and Kat Dennings. But I was wrong. Such a sad film. Made me cry buckets. Hilary is such a good actress. PM me if you've seen it. We can cry together. Did you think so? That scene, and the light, you know? Gah. Just bleh. If you got to here, put the word purple xP **

**Sorry, that was random ramble. Anyway. If you got this far, congrats, and thanks. **


	18. Chapter 18

"_Almost home, Liv," Jade says quietly. She shifts her daughter onto her other hip, trying to powerwalk as she went. She finally put her down half way through, and let her toddle beside her. "Come on, baby, run." So she did, and kind of kept up. _

_They reached home about half an hour later. A worried Beck and Adam wait at the door. It is opened as soon as they step up the path. _

"_Thank god," Beck breathes. "Hello, baby!" He takes Olivia off of her. _

"_What did you think I'd do to her? Drown her in the pond? Give her away to a childless couple, or rely on the local pack of wolves to finish raising her?"_

"_Give it a rest, Jade." Beck snaps, passing Olivia to Adam. "You need to stop running away." _

"_I'm sorry," Jade squeaks, so innocent looking that Beck can't stay mad. "I just get so panicked and can't cope and need air." _

"_Just tell me. We'll go for a walk. Or a ride in the car," he says. Olivia starts screaming._

"_PINK PINK MOMMY…" Jade cringes inwardly. _

"_I told her we'd take her shopping," Jade says. She pauses. "And then take her home." _

"_That's fine," Beck says casually, as if Jade said could you pass her the salt. "I'll get the hotel room key."_

"_Beck," Jade says coldly, treading the water, "Home home." _

"_I see." Beck hesitates. "I'll get the phone." He is walking slowly, in a daze. Jade picks up Olivia. _

"_I'm sorry." She says, not quite brave enough to catch her dad's eyes._

"_You know, when your mom died, I thought I had nothing to live for – but then I remembered you." He pauses. "I'm so glad you came back," Jade bites her lip. "But you have your own life to lead, with your own baby." _

"_Thank you." _

_They leave in about half an hour later, with all their bags packed. _

"_Okay. The agenda: shopping, home, heartfelt talks!" _

"_Yes mommy," Olivia says, giggling. They reach a store on the outskirts of the town and Jade helps Olivia out. Beck carries her into the baby place, named __**Baby Doll**__. He takes Jade's hand in his and they look like the perfect little family._

"_I like that." _

"_What?"_

"_Baby doll."_

"_I thought you would." Jade says as they walk inside. She slips her hand into Beck's and sighs contented. _

"_You get the stuff we need. Coats, hats, boots," Jade says, making a mental note to get some woolly gloves and socks. "Toothbrush, toothpaste-"_

"_She only has three teeth!"_

"_Well, she needs to brush her three teeth. Um, get one p-a-c-i," Jade spells. She means pacifier (or soother, as Livvy calls it) but it's only for the road to keep Livvy quiet. _

"_Mama, want dada." Olivia cries. _

"_Okay, darling, go with your daddy. Mommy will be back in a moment."_

"_Mommy stay!" _

"_Be a good girl," Jade says, walking off. She grabs socks, underwear, vests, mittens, and a bath towel while she is in that aisle, and then turns for bottles, sippy cups, wet wipes, and baby soap and shampoo. She finds the aisle with necessities like formula and cleaning solution for baby dishes. She also grabs a "my first cutlery" set, and bath toys. Most things Olivia had grown out of very quickly so they'd given them to a charity shop, using the money Beck made in the town her dad lived in. _

"_Excuse me," a young girl asks Jade. Jade turns. _

"_Yes?"_

"_I'm…I'm only seventeen, and I'm pregnant, and I wondered if you could tell me what I need?" Jade's eyes trail to the girl's protruding pregnant belly, and her eyes are full of sympathy. _

"_Of course," Jade says. "I'm Jade. My husband is with my daughter somewhere in the shop, so we'll scan the aisles for what you need. What's your name?" Jade asks gently._

"_I'm Rebecca." _

"_Well, Rebecca, you'll need a lot. Have you got family to support you? The father?"_

"_No," she says, blinking hard. "I have some money though."_

"_Okay, we'll get what we can." _

_They walk down the aisle and Jade points out the items she'll desperately need, less important and don't be fooled. _

"_Get the bottle – or are you breastfeeding?"_

"_I..I don't know." She hesitates. "What did you do?"_

"_I didn't have the choice, sweetie. Bottle feeding was all I had." _

"_Bottles are expensive, right?"_

"_Well, no. The formula is expensive, not the bottles."_

"_Okay, I'll breastfeed."_

"_Think about it. Are you in school?"_

"_No," _

"_Are you working?"_

"_No,"_

"_Then you'll be fine." They walk across the next row. "You'll need a cot."_

"_Can't I co-sleep?" Jade knew what that meant – sleeping with the baby next to you._

"_Well, I don't recommend it," Jade frowns. "How much have you got?"_

"_$300,"_

"_That should cover a cot."_

"_Great."_

"_It can't be too expensive, though the basic ones are fine, you can buy a mattress and bedding from the reduced section – Christmas bedding, boys blankies, whatever will do for a newborn."_

"_Does the baby need blankets when they go to sleep?"_

"_No!" Jade says. "No, please don't put loose blankets in the crib. Use a sleep sack." Rebecca nods. "When are you due?" _

"_September. I'm six months." Jade takes one look at her stomach and looks doubtful. _

"_And it's only the one?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Are you sure?" _

"_I think so." Jade nods._

"_Okay. Let's, uh, get some more stuff,"_

"_What?"_

"_Moses basket, stroller," Jade says, thinking. "Well, you'll need diapers and clothes, we forgot the essentials," she giggles. "Sorry. Back to business." She smiles. _

"_I have diapers."_

"_Oh, how many packets?"_

"_One,"_

"_Haha, you'll go through that in a couple of hours!"_

"_Really?" Rebecca asks quietly. She lowers her icy grey eyes._

"_Yes, sweetie." Jade says. "Here, I'll get my phone to work out how much we've bought so far." Jade adds it all up._

_$60 – stroller_

_$35- Moses basket _

_$62 – cot _

_$20 – mattress_

_$40 – 2 packs of 140 pampers diapers_

_$20- tub of formula _

_$50 – clothes and pacifiers _

_It comes to under $300, so they pay and Jade calls Beck. "Yeah?"_

"_Where are you?"_

"_Just paying now," Beck says. "You?" _

"_I'm helping a teen get her stuff sorted for her baby. I'll pay after her then meet you at the car?"_

"_Yeah. Don't be too long. Liv is missing you. Love you."_

"_Love you too." Jade smiles at Rebecca. "Ready for baby now?" _

"_I really hope so," she says. "I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you so much, Ma'am."_

"_Oh god, I'm not that old am I?" Jade says, flipping her hair. " She winks. "Call me Jade, honey!" _

"_Well, thank you Jade."_

"_You're very welcome." _

_Jade pays and then says goodbye to Rebecca. "Take care!" And then meets Beck at the car. She smiles. _

"_She seems sweet."_

"_Yes, she was," Jade confirms. "Just very young."_

"_Hmm." _

"_I hope she's okay."_

"_Me too." Jade bites her lip. That girl, a little seventeen year old was probably going to be a better parent than her. It made her curse herself. _

**A/N:**

**Happy Monday! :)**

**It's not Monday anymore, I'm aware. I'm so sorry for that last chapter! I didn't check like I usually do. Silly me. Apologies! **

**- Happy Friday! :P **

**Caitlin**


	19. Chapter 19

_They drive and drive, and eventually get home. Cat sighs in relief, picking up Olivia. "Thank god, baby!" Jade mutters a hello and then storms upstairs, upset over the teenager. _

"_She's just upset."_

"_She's always upset," Cat says, dismissively. "She'll get over it." _

"Skip a few months here," Cat says. "This was just settling into routine." She waves her hand. "Now I don't want to freak you out, so I could sk-"

"No, I'm fine."

"Alright." Cat repositions herself.

"_It was about seven months since you'd come back. Beck comes into the living room and breaks down. "I'm so, sorry, Cat." Beck yells. "I've screwed up. Man, what am I gonna do?"_

"_What have you done?" Cat asks, curiosity lacing her voice. She sits up with Olivia on her lap. She's 25 months and growing fast._

"_Where Mommy?"_

"_She'll be back soon, darling, why don't you bring me your doll from the kitchen?" Livvy jumps and runs to get her dolly. "Watch out the floor is-" she's too late as she hears screams. "slippery." She sighs. "Wait here." She grabs Olivia from the floor. "Oh, my sweetheart, what have you done?" _

"_Hand hurts!" Cat inspects it carefully, prodding around her wrist. She kisses it softly._

"_I think it's just a bit sore. Tell you what, if you go and get a blanket we'll set up a picnic for you so Mommy can eat lunch with you." _

"_Please!" Cat smiles and puts her down._

"_There's a good girl." Cat watches her as she opens the door and then sits in the living room, trying to read Beck's expression while cutting an apple. "So?" _

"_There was a moment of weakness," he says, crying. "It was once, I swear…I haven't seen her since."_

"_Oh Beck!" Cat yells, exasperated. "I don't believe it," she blinks back hot tears, "what are you going to say?" _

"_I don't know," he says, miserably. "I was thinking,"_

"_Must've hurt. But no," Cat says. "I'll take Olivia for ice cream."_

"_Ice cream ice cream ice cream!" Olivia shouts._

"_Yep," Cat says, picking her up. "We'll walk." Olivia groans. "You won't even be walking!" Cat says with a giggle. "Bye bye."_

"_See ya." Cat leaves and Jade arrives soon after._

"_Hi! I'm home." _

"_Hi." _

"_What's wrong?"_

"_I'm really sorry." Jade frowns and sits. "It was one time, I promise, and she kissed me first." _

"_Oh god, please, please, tell me that that's as far as you got?"_

"_I'm really sorry."_

"_Oh god, this isn't happening. No." Jade scrapes her hair back. "Where's Olivia?" _

"_Out."_

"_Right." Jade runs up the stairs. Beck doesn't follow. She is back in half an hour or so. With a suitcase. _

"_Don't go," he says softly. _

"_Ha! I'm not. Now get out of my sight." She throws the suitcase at him, though it hurts her arm. He tries to kiss her but she turns her head. "Please," she says. "Leave." She knows looking at him would make her cave and she just can't._

"_What about Livvy? OUR daughter."_

"_She's better off without you," Jade says coldly. "I'll call if she misses you," Jade sits. _

"_Okay," he says slowly. "I'll see you later."_

"_I'd rather you didn't," she mutters, rolling her eyes. She raises her voice. "I mean it this time. I'm not a silly little girl anymore. Goodbye."_

"_We're home!" _

"_Mama!" Olivia falls into her mom's lap. _

"_I love you, Livvy-loo." _

"_Love you too mommy!" Later on, when Olivia is in bed, Cat snuggles next to Jade. _

"_I know." Jade starts to cry. "Shh, shh, I know."_

"_How could he do this? Not only to me, but to you and Olivia…He's never seeing her again, I swear."_

"_Jade-" _

"_She's young enough not to remember. We could move."_

"_She loves her daddy," Cat sighs. "Don't let her suffer." Cat pauses. "I'm surprised you're still here." She adds quickly, "pleasantly surprised, I mean." _

"_What?"_

"_You're rather flightly."_

"_Ha. Sorry."_

"_It's fine. You're here now."_

"_I wish I wasn't. Damn it, Cat! I just wish we were okay."_

"_I know, honey," she says, smoothing Jade's hair. "I know." Jade sobs louder, muffled into Cat's blouse. "Oh, sweetie, don't!"_

"_I want the best for her, this isn't the best!" _

"_She's got you, and me, and her father, what more could she want? She's surrounded by love."_

"_I know, but I just can't shake the feeling of inadequateness."_

"_You are NOT inadequate."_

"_Really?" Jade wipes her nose on the back of her hand. "All I want is a lovely normal happy life."_

"_Normal's boring, you silly girl." aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_


End file.
